A Bed of Songs & Stories

"I Will Follow You Into the Dark" - Death Cab for Cutie I watched Friends with Benefits last night. I didn't have the strength to watch the other one. Not yet anyway and so I figured this was a safer bet (giggling slightly and shaking my head). It took a very familiar basketball t-shirt and a snippet from this song for me to realize, "No, it wasn't." But watch it if you haven't already. I think you'll find it entertaining (Well, you find pretty much anything entertaining). Although it was a little long with a conventional ending, I actually thoroughly enjoyed it. It kinda highlights how I feel about relationships right now; That no matter how much I want to drain all emotions out of it, I obviously can't have one without it. So, I guess that's why I'm pulling back from it. It's not good enough if I don't really like the person. It's not good enough for ME. I just know that if my heart isn't into it...I definitely won'

"Honey" - Tori Amos This beautifully blazin', red star vixen is playing at the Los Angeles Orpheum theatre this December and yours truly just landed tickets to her Sunday show (takes a deep breath). Let me give you the back story so you know why I needed to breathe just now. The presale started Friday morning. Yesterday. A few friends tried to get through to me to make sure I knew the passwords: "NIGHT" and "HUNTER" before everyone else did. Oh, they got through to me alright, but I got it at 8:30PM that night... 10 1/2 hours after the other, SMARTER Tori fans already knew about it and snagged all the tickets in the FRONT ROW. F-M-freakin'-L. Flustered and quite frankly, annoyed out of my mind I logged out and decided to set my alarm to make sure I was on time for the official "sale" or what's left of it. I even set it 2 hours early just to be on the safe side, but just my luck it didn't even go off! Luckily, my tummy did. Finally

"I Want to Be Buried in Your Backyard" - Nightmare of You Maybe you noticed. Maybe you didn't, but I was in an "emo" sorta mood these last few days and at first I had a song up by Dashboard Confessional then Box Car Racer... They were only up for a little while, but for some reason they didn't sit well with my post so I changed it to Miss Nalick. I had to. Her song fit better and a girl can never go wrong with a better fit. In any case, I was going to write about my emo-ness tonight once I got home, but the freeway was closed and I had to take a detour. I absolutely hate detours, especially when it's often a detour for a detour and it takes me an extra 30-minutes to an already 30-minute long drive. I had to distract myself. Quickly. It was late. I was alone. Road rage would not have been a smart idea at that point. So, I brought out my trusty iPod to put my mind at ease. Someone must've rigged it if you ask me because lately, this sucker's been p

"Wreck of the Day" - Anna Nalick There's so much in my head, but I have no idea why. Seriously. No. Idea. I have a story to tell that has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I guess today is one of those days where I simply just don't want to make sense. I was driving my usual route this morning when a tan, 4-door car entered the freeway. The car was moving at an average speed, but just as it was about to kick into gear, it started to swerve. I saw this from the corner of my eye and slowed down enough to stay to the left of it. Suddenly, it lost complete control and spun out, twisting its way back to the side of the freeway with a metal-pounding "thud." It somehow landed sideways against the hill with pieces of its broken bumper left scattered ahead. Through the windshield, I could make out pale, frail arms still gripping the steering wheel, but I was going too fast to see a face. And so I passed it by... I looked in the rear view mirror before turni

"Losing My Religion" - Dia Frampton (original by R.E.M.) I miss the warmth of holding you. You fit so perfectly with me. Pressing my lips against yours. Feeling the heat in between us rise. I miss the sweet taste of you. The light, fluffy euphoria I feel after having you. I crave you constantly. Even though you're so very bad for me. I miss the effect of you. And what you still have on me. I will always cave in to the temptation of you. Ever-so-willingly. I miss the satisfaction of you. And how you fulfill me. Quite easily. Immensely. Intensely. And completely. You are my weakness. You are my vice. You are my common sense not thinking twice. You are my one true thing I can rely on to be too good to be true. And I love you, coffee. I do. Lyrics: Oh, life is bigger It's bigger than you And you are not me The lengths that I will go to The distance in your eyes Oh no, I've said too much I've said it all That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight Lo

"Superman (It's Not Easy)" - Five for Fighting I'm beyond exhausted in so many ways so for now here's a song that pretty much sums up how I felt about this beautifully draining 3-day weekend. This is an unfinished post, but I will be back Dear Blog... Tuesday night. July 26, 2011. 11:01PM. One week before I disappear into another world; a new land (at least for me anyway) for 10 straight days. I'm sitting here lost in my usual space. Alone. Listening to this song and trying to remember all the things that came to mind as it continues to play. I'm too distracted now to even begin to recollect all the different moments that made me want to make a heart and think of you. I only did it a couple of times. It seemed rather silly to continue reflecting on the past when I had so much ahead of me. So, I did it sparingly. It was hard to ignore the nostalgia that filled the air. Even the smell of it lingered above me... Walking down the street, passing familiar place

"My Last" - Big Sean feat. Chris Brown A lot sure can change in 2 years. To think that this time around I'll be experiencing this convention as a "single" with 3 other couples is surreal for me. I'm excited, but this excitement stings a bit. Not because I'm technically alone, but because this just wasn't the original plan now was it? No, it wasn't. I don't know what you're up to and frankly, I don't really care. I can't. There's really no point to it anymore. I can feel me moving on as you seem to have already done. If not emotionally, you did so physically. I guess I'm not wired that way. I don't need to do the deed to separate. It's not worth it and sadly, I had to learn the hard way. I don't want to rush through it or fall backwards to distract me from it. It's there, but I'm walking away from it. It no longer holds my attention. Loving me first took the lead and I'm following it. Yet regardle

"Bottoms Up" - Trey Songz feat. Nicki Minaj Here I go changin' it up once again because it's necessary to follow my mood, especially if it's a good one. And when I'm told that I'm more fun, laid back, social, stylish and spontaneous now more than ever, well I gotta take all that in too. So, it's about time to reflect on this unusually awesome side of me. Last night after shopping as we were walking back to the car my baby sis turned to me and said, "You know what? I like you like this. A lot." "Like what?" I asked. "You're so much better when you're not consumed by someone else...you always made it all about them," she replied. "No, I didn't. I was cool..." I muttered. "No, you were what you thought they needed you to be," she said. "You weren't what you wanted to be," she continued. I thought about this all the way home. So much so that it kept me up half the night and I sud

"Cold-Hearted Snake" - Paula Abdul "If" - Janet "Creep" - TLC "Crazy in Love" - Beyonce feat. Jay-Z "I'm a Slave for You" - Britney I don't have anything significant I'm trying to convey here. There's no hidden message or certain someone to dedicate all of this to. These are just some of my favorite, feel good, music videos that I can watch over and over again when I need a little boost. I felt inspired to go out and shop. I wasn't sure what I'd find, but I knew I wouldn't be going home empty-handed. One stop. One store. After about an hour, I was done. I peeked into my bag and saw colorful dresses, eye-popping patterns and 2 pairs (yes, 2!) of sexy, not skimpy shorts looking back up at me. It's like they were speaking to me and saying, "About damn time you grew the f@$k up already to show some leg!" Who knew I had it in me? I feel a change coming on as I slowly, but surely step away from a ward

"Sounds of Silence" - Simon & Garfunkel It's been an enlightening weekend to say the least. Nothing miraculous happened, but it was an eye-opener nonetheless. These moments often strike me out of nowhere. I'd be doing some random chore like washing dishes or organizing my drawers...or in the middle of a conversation with a bunch of friends...I'd be ordering a drink at Starbucks or sorting out the stuff in my trunk because I hate it when mess starts to accumulate...or waiting in line at Target to buy something I really don't need, but buying it anyway...and then suddenly it'll hit me. This sense of appreciation for just being able to do just this. I have family back home who can't even muster enough money to make a long-distance phone call. Living oceans apart from each other in a very different world. They don't go out to fancy restaurants. They don't get to shop for luxuries because they're saving it for necessities. They don't eve

"Life in Mono" - Mono I need to rest in the worst way. Surprisingly, lately I've been able to sleep again minus the sudden burst of tears in the morning. Fortunately, I'm learning to control this by disregarding the dreams that cause them altogether. I figured the little I talk about it... the little I write about it... the less I'd hurt about it. So, let's just say I'm still working on it. Goodnight. I hope. Lyrics: The stranger sang a theme From someone else’s dream The leaves began to fall And no one spoke at all But I can’t seem to recall When you came along Ingenue Ingenue I just don’t know what to do The tree-lined avenue Begins to fade from view Drowning past regrets In tea and cigarettes But I can’t seem to forget When you came along Ingenue Ingenue I just don’t know what to do Ingenue I just don’t know what to do Ingenue I just don’t know what to do Ingenue I just don’t know what to do Ingenue http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/greatexpectations/life

"Woman in Love" - Barbra Streisand I dedicate this song to the woman who loves the most. A woman who takes that love far beyond herself and carries it high above any pedestal for no one to reach. A woman who hurts to protect it and holds the only key to unlock it. A woman who cries to understand it and breaks it down to rebuild it. A woman who empties her heart and soul to continuously fulfill it... even if only half-way. A woman who's power to love is left unchallenged, bearing the weight of it all with all that she is and all that she has and more... Loving with every ounce of energy in her body and placing this profound energy into someone she hopes will provide such love in return...my beautiful older sister, Ate. I love you, Bub. Let's hope that on your day a little bit of your love is kept safe just for you. Lyrics: Life is a moment in space When the dream is gone It's a lonelier place I kiss the morning goodbye Down inside, you know we never know why The r

"The Light that Never Goes Out" - The Smiths I'm so relieved that I finally found you, dear Song. I needed you today and you came out of nowhere to console me. So turn up your volume, dear Song. Let me scream into your sleeve, but don't suffocate me. Let me breathe. I need to breathe. "Woosah..." Little by little. Focus on one thing. One day at a time. The big picture is much too big right now. It's chaotic and I'm quietly overwhelmed, seeking comfort so comfort me, dear Song. Seep into me. Fill me up and calm me. I promise to stay in one piece if given peace, but I don't want to work at it anymore. I don't want to do anything, but listen to you, dear Song. Give me the ok to leave and then take me away from here. I want to go anywhere, but here. I promise I'll be good. I just need to feel good. Release the pressure and help me not care. So, pretty please, dear Song. Let me get lost in the minutes as you play. Let it last.

"Why Does She Stay?" - NeYo I wonder if you're waiting up for me. Curious to see what I'd post next and slightly hoping it'd be for you. Lucky you. I wonder if you're debating what rating you'll give this, clicking it twice just to be sure I notice you noticed. Yes, I'm noticing. I wonder what you've been thinking about the last week. It's been a week, ya know. I wonder how your weekend went. How you must've spent it with someone else. How you were secretly hoping it was me. You did. I know. I felt it. I just ignored it. I wonder how you're killing your time. Who you told. What they said. How you felt when they said it. Just in case you're wondering, it's been different for me. I got the disappointed looks, the "why's?!," the shaking heads, the rolling eyes... but it's ok. It's not about anyone else. Sometimes the best way to explain it is by not explaining it at all. And so I'll continue to wonder...

"Precious Things" - Tori Amos This is the only something out there that reminds me of only ME. I feel that Tori isn't really singing about what's precious to her, but frankly the not-so-precious. It's obvious when you hear it. It's an angry girl rant about the sh*t that gets to her the most. So in honor of this, I decided to vent about my own peeves if you will. Some you may know, some you won't, but I guarantee you one thing, this was one post that I didn't find difficult to write. My Petty, Little List : Messy rooms, unmade beds, cluttered desks, a full hamper, dirt, dust, clothes piled high on a chair, dirty dishes left in the sink, clanging silverware, cats mating, lawnmowers, loud gossip that I'm not a part of, unanswered texts, telemarketers, missed deadlines, using "your" when it's supposed to be "you're," cigarette ash, the smell of Peets' coffee seeping into my knit sweater, non-fat anything, orange juice

"Someone Like You" - Adele It's a weird feeling. It creeps up when I least expect it. Sometimes a song or a place triggers it, but often times it's just there. I don't know if I ever blogged this before, but every time this happens I'd make a shape of a heart with my hands. I know this sounds a bit silly, but it's the truth. Whenever I'd open my own Equal packets or see a familiar blue car on the road, I'd create this subtle sign as if quietly giving myself the ok to remember the good times. Last night in the midst of all the people walking around on Main St. in Santa Monica, couples and non-couples alike, a few friends and I found a corner pub to get lost in. The weather was cool on the patio and we just sat and talked as if we were the only ones there. It amazes me that even in such a little crowded spot (somewhere I've never been to), consumed in conversation, not even an earshot from any song, and surrounded by strangers... I still found my

"Incomplete" - Backstreet Boys Arguing with you is a waste of time when I know I've already won. So I'll stop now. I'm beyond tired and I lost the urge to fight. No more worrying about where you are or who you're with. No more wondering if what you're telling me is the truth. No more finding out that it was just another lie. No more working at this. No more stressing over this. No more picturing her or any of them by your side; the side I once knew far too well. The side of you that pulls people in. It's not me you'll drain this time. It's not me who'll cry all night trying to find you when your phone "dies." It's not me who'll watch the sun come up hoping for things to change for the better when your better was me... Lyrics: Empty spaces fill me up with holes Distant faces with no place left to go Without you within me I can't find no rest Where I’m going is anybody’s guess I tried to go on like I never k

"Funeral" - Band of Horses I understand, but I don't. It's better this way, but it's not. You're right. So right, but so very wrong. Why let common sense come back to you now? It frustrates me that you didn't listen to it then. I know. I get it. I got it faster than you ever did. Yet sitting across from you with this feeling of not really knowing you; a feeling of wanting to help you and at the same time hating you for what you've allowed yourself to become, ate at me. And I lost my appetite. I'm dying here. I'm struggling with myself. I want to walk away. We walked away. It's done. So why doesn't it feel done? Something was missing. Maybe I'm thinking too much into this as I always do. Maybe it's only because you have someone to fall back on that it's somehow ok for you to fall. But you'll break eventually, if you haven't already... so leave them be. They shouldn't get from you what you should've given me. I

"Catalyst" - Anna Nalick This song came on as I pulled up the driveway. It's a melting 92-degrees outside and so I kept the car running with the AC on just long enough to hear the chorus. It inspired me to blog earlier than usual. I jumped out of my car and into this hot box of a house. Even in this heat, fully dressed in my work clothes and definitely not at all comfortable...I turned on my computer hoping the AC would cool it down fast enough for me to write. 10-minutes later the thermometer still read 92 freakin' degrees, but I couldn't wait. So here I am, sweating in places I never knew one could sweat and in a bit of a hurry because I have to be some place in less than 30-minutes. But something compelled me and I just couldn't ignore it. I logged in, impatiently waiting for things to load, but of course damn playlist... And then I found this video. It's a little shaky and nowhere near perfect, but it's beautiful. Black and white. Light and dark. J

"What Can I Say" - Carrie Underwood feat. Sons of Sylvia One of the hardest things in life is to move forward. This is why we often look back... I knew we'd start off like we've never stopped. It was a little awkward at first, but that was a given. You seemed pretty nervous and a bit out of place in my environment. A place you haven't been in for over 10 months. It was kinda nice to see you stumble around in what used to be your comfort zone, trying to search for the right words. I knew it wasn't going to be anything different from what's already been said, but it's definitely different seeing you say it. To tell you the truth, I wanted more. I brought the tissue for more. But surprisingly, it was the picture that did it. He looked so grown and the glasses are amazing on him. And if it wasn't for a few nosey people staring at me filled with tears, I probably wouldn't have stopped so soon. It's just looking at him a year older and not being