Almost to Never

"Almost Lover" - A Fine Frenzy

Hey, I had my first date yesterday. I'm pretty sure you don't care to know, but I'll tell you anyway. Maybe it hurts you. Maybe hurt is beyond what you can feel right now. Maybe you're fooling yourself. Maybe you're not. But it's not about you here. It's about me. Finally. And let me tell you that I haven't enjoyed myself this much in a long time. No, I didn't find Mr. Perfect. I'm not looking for him anymore. But I have to admit it was nice not having to plan, pay, and be the one to take care of someone even when they don't want to be taken care of. Oh, he has flaws. You have plenty. But it's not about that. It should've never been about that with you.

We sat, chat, ate, laughed, smiled, and laughed some more. And it wasn't one of those "we're laughing because we're nervous or laughing to be polite." It was genuine and it's been hard to face this reality that another man could make me feel like that. It's funny because we're pretty opposite if you can believe that, but the humor is definitely there. I think that it's because we're opposite that we found it so funny.

He noticed my boots and the fact that I like wearing the color gray. He picked the place, but asked me if it was ok and let me take charge of ordering as I tend to do. He asked for more napkins. Tons more because I like napkins, but yet he was the one making a mess. He tried my Starbucks drink to see what all the fuss was about, opened my car door every time, complimented me on my smile and my "Asian" eyes (I have to admit that stung just a bit). He told lots of stories and all of a sudden I found myself no longer taking the lead in a conversation.

Did I think of you? A little, but not a lot. I wouldn't have had as good of a time if I did. Will this go anywhere? Too soon to tell yet so I just like where things are right now. I didn't tell him about you. There's too much there to tell and I'm not quite ready to spill my heart out. He already shared too much with me as it is. I tried to discourage it, but he felt the need to let me hear it. I guess I have that gift where people want to reveal more than I'm willing to see upfront. Guess it's better than finding this out 6-months later...

Do I miss you? Of course. But I miss more US than just you. But the more I do this...the more I "put myself out there..." I know even more now that I won't be here for you in that way anymore. And for the first time this thought...this realization...well, it's ok.

It's ok with me.

Lyrics:

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?



So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

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