A Bed of Songs & Stories

"Possibility" - Lykke Li In less than an hour, my month officially begins. I almost wanted to wait before I posted Lykke Li, but something inside me said, "Look her up." I wanted something special to close out May and Lykke was just the thing. I first read about her in a magazine. I like her name. I like how it's pronounced with a "Lick." I like her spunk and her unusual style. She has a certain prettiness about her that called out to me, but I left it alone that night. I was too distracted to take it anywhere passed that. I never took it any further than her name. The first song that appeared was Possibility . More than a hundred people liked it compared to her other songs so I clicked it and suddenly, before I could catch it...my heart fell apart all over again. I remember this song. I remembered watching the movie that brought it to life...or should I say, death? I remember watching Bella as she sat in her chair, staring out through the window, as e

"I Feel It All" - Feist I wanna jump on a big trampoline. I wanna go as high up as my little legs can take me. And fall back down again without any worry. I wanna feel the wind all around me. I wanna let go of all this negativity. I wanna feel free. I wanna neglect this responsibility; This need to be a grown up. I wanna jump. But who would jump with me? I felt like you were all behind me. But you were afraid to catch me. So, you let go. Knowing I will fall on my face. You let go. Knowing that it'd be awkward and out of place. You let go. Knowing that I was counting on you. So you obviously, let go. Hoping to jump on another trampoline. I wanna stay on MY big trampoline. Big enough to catch me. Big enough to protect me. Big enough to comfort me. Big enough just for me. So find yourself a new trampoline. Lyrics: I feel it all I feel it all I feel it all I feel it all The wings are wide the wings are wide Wild card inside wild card inside Oh I'll be the one who'

"For Your Eyes Only" - Sheena Easton It was 2:00A. I just finished watching David Tutera's My Fair Wedding . I vowed never to watch another wedding show. I vowed to continue going to bed at a decent hour. But there I was so I figured it was late, I might as well break more rules while I'm at it. The bride had an awesome theme, one that I can relate to very much; one that I would've considered myself if it wasn't already done for me 2-years ago: Alice in Wonderland . All in all, David actually pulled it off with class and at the same time, keeping what meant everything to the bride in tact. It wasn't perfect, but it was perfect for them. So, why am I writing about this using this song? Don't get crazy. This is by far, NOT in the cards for me. Hell, I have no groom. What got to me wasn't the whole wedding thing or the crying bride every time David would surprise her. I don't get teary-eyed over this stuff. It never mattered before because honestl

"Amor Eterno" (Love Eternal) - Rocio Durcal It was a solemn morning. I'm never on time for anything, but I was on time for this...for you dear friend. It was sunny when I got into my car and when I drove down Los Robles, but once it crossed over to Atlantic Blvd., the clouds rolled in. You never liked the heat did you, chica? "I'm dark enough already," you used to say. The sun was never kind on the mobile unit and it always picked a day when the AC would conk out to be at its strongest. It would aggravate you to no end, but you grinned it and beared it because that's just how you did it. I looked up today at the slight gray haze floating over the east side and thought you'd be happy to know that it stayed cool for you. I held myself today for as long as I could. I'm sorry I let you down last night, but it was hard to see you. It took a while and I walked up slowly towards you thinking it would give me time to compose myself, but it just wasn'

"Wild Horses" - The Sundays A very dear friend of mine helped me say my last goodbyes to another dear friend and from that experience, he realized just how short life can be and how small we really are in this big world. He thought about this all night and built up enough courage to go to me the next morning and do something he never thought he could ever do. He knocked lightly on my door asking to be invited in. He looked lost and a little unsure of what to say. This is unlike him. He sat across from me and stared at me for a minute. "I wanted to talk to you about something..." he trailed off. "Ya, sure what's up?" I asked. "Seeing our friend lying in a hospital bed made me think about life and where I want to be. And I don't want to be a friend, stuck in a bed, living my final days wishing I could've said something. Wishing that I could've done something..." he continued. "Uh-oh," I thought to myself. "I know whe

"Merry Happy" - Kate Nash I laughed a lot today. It was amazing to laugh without any reservation even with people around. They were laughing too. One of those knee-slapping, tears-rolling, hard-to-breathe kinda laughs. I guess in a dark room you're free to do what you please. The energy was full and fantastic. I felt light and revived. If my state of mind had a beat it would go something like this song... do do do da do do do do do da do do do do do da do... I love it when on a whim I step out of my little hiding place to see the world for what it is and have fun with it. When I stop focusing on the negatives, I discover who I really am. I'm someone who likes to laugh, go out and keep things simple. Dinner and a movie, a get-together over coffee, or a stroll in the park (no hills). I like hanging out in small groups with people I trust who have a great sense of humor, know how to talk sh*t and can carry a conversation. Bars aren't so bad if the tables are clean,

"Lean on Me" - Bill Withers Here's the thing. It's been brought to my attention numerous times just how much of an Indian Giver I can be and I often embraced this about me because I felt I deserve to get back just as much I gave out. I've been brought up to take care of people more than me, but I missed something. I always expected something in return, which is why I often got disappointed. I extended myself hoping that someone could do the same, but it was too far for them to reach. I never thought that if they could do it, then they probably would've done it for themselves. I made them feel inferior for accepting my help because they couldn't live up to what I could do. I saw this as a weakness and threw it back in their faces. Numerous times. This was never my intention, but it was what I did. It was how I was and how people saw me. Unfortunately, I also have a bit more to learn. Most people are aware of what I've done and are hoping to one day pay

I escaped for the weekend... will return shortly.

"Don't You Forget About Me" - Simple Minds I was supposed to go out last night, but there was a mix-up and a sudden change of plans so I went back home. I wouldn't have minded it so much if the remodeling was over and the dust finally settled down a bit. I just hate entering a messy house to find strangers in my hallway. Fortunately, I drove up only to find an empty driveway except for a few supplies stacked up neatly in the corner. I unloaded my day onto my bed and was looking forward to a moment of peace. I turned on the TV and skimmed through the channels. Karate Kid starring Jayden Smith and Jackie Chan was on at just the part I missed the first time I watched it and I must say, it was surprisingly entertaining. The fight scenes make the original a bit laughable, but the original is still where my heart will always be. I switched over to the next channel and to my pleasant surprise, Easy A was just starting. I know this is a cheesy comedy, but something intrigue

"Divine Intervention" - Taking Back Sunday I didn't know what to say when I heard the news and it's rare for me to be speechless. Sadly, I still don't have the right words to express myself so I'll use this song...I lost a dear friend over the weekend and one today. Both not by choice. I keep losing things beyond my control. I know to never say never, but this time it is never. My friend is gone. It's over... devastatingly over too soon, but I can't accept this. I just won't let it sink in that this is the friend I'll never get to see again. The only lesson we should be learning from this is how precious life and sudden death can be. Yet people are just lingering and I'm just numb. I haven't cried yet. It's during this time that I fail miserably. It's like I'm trying too hard at something, but my efforts are too weak to even be noticed. I joke a lot and come off awkward as if sympathy has no meaning to me when in fact it me

"Ghost" - Howie Day I take it back. The Red Balloon Floats Up is amazing and you're a fool to let it go. You're a fool to let a lot of things go. By the way, I bought a new cord for my iPod and although it fits, it's still a little too big to plug in the charger at the same time. Argh...I knew this would happen too. I knew it before I bought it, but I was already there. I stood in the store absolutely clueless, staring at the wrong cords when the sales guy came to my rescue. He was so sweet and informative and I bought it. I'm a sucker for service even if it's what I don't want. And you know that I know that I'll take forever to exchange it. So, back to the cds I go. Before I get too ahead of myself, here's the story behind the story. I listened to Flies High and Falls Down feeling nothing more and nothing less than eh. I filed them back into the cd case and was getting ready to switch to my iPod since I obviously had what I needed to make i

I ended my last blog at this time and wanted to post this to prove it.

"Pictures of You" - The Cure Blogger was broken last night and I actually had a lot to write (of course). I'm caught in the middle of something at the moment, but I had to take a moment to put this song up. It's been following me. True story. Seriously, following me. It's been a while already, but it was around 2 in the morning when I first noticed it. I was suffering from one of my many "I can't sleep, but I'm trying to fool myself into keeping my curfew" kinda nights. A night of staring at my phone wondering who I should "drunk" dial even though I wasn't drunk. I was bored and uninspired when I decided to look up The Cure. I haven't blogged about them yet, which is surprising considering how depressing people often take them for. I'm not one of those people. I find them to be exquisitely beautiful and melancholy and will melt for anyone who sings this song to me. But they have to sing it well. I'll be back later when

"If I Die Young" - The Band Perry Someone asked me this morning, "How are you healing?" I didn't even know I was sick. With that thought in mind, I decided to put my uneasiness aside to say hello to a friend. I walked through the sliding door into the cold hallway, grateful that I brought my hoodie with me. I checked in, got my picture taken (this was new to me), and made my way to the elevator. There wasn't much hustle and bustle in the hospital since it was later in the evening and most of the visitors left. I walked up to the nurse's station and she pointed me to the room. The door was shut. I didn't want to knock so the nurse did it for me, opening the door. My friend was turned to her side with 3 people kneeling around her in prayer. My heart stopped. They hurried over to me. I didn't know what to say or do. I didn't want to believe what I thought I was seeing. A lady smiled at me, placed her finger to her lips and said, "She's

"Hurt" - Nine Inch Nails (Original by Johnny Cash) I'm blocked by a lot. I'm sitting here, stuck. I've been in a funk all day. Thinking, but not thinking. Focusing, but losing myself. I have projects to get done. I have deadlines to meet. I have a stupid job to keep. But...I no longer care for it now that I've learned that someone much stronger than me is draining away in a hospital room 6-stories high. It's supposed to put things into perspective, but sadly nothing's changed. The same sh*t is still happening and if that someone was well enough they'd agree with me. They say, "No visitors." Do I listen or do I go anyway? Do I still have time? Doctors gave them days and I'm clueless to when the countdown began. I've never been good at this and I'll never want to be. I can't do hospitals. I can't do goodbyes. I can't see someone that started out with me, not finish with me. Not again. Not for good. This is different.

"Do It for Me Now" - Angels & Airwaves The cord to my iPod has been loose for quite some time now until finally it decided to stop working altogether. How I manage to break the unbreakable, I can't tell you. I guess I'm never careful with my stuff or maybe I got too angry too often with the "wrong" songs coming on and pulled on it harder than I thought. Better the cord than the iPod I guess, but of course I've yet to replace it. I don't know why it takes me forever to take care of things just for me. So with that I had to pull out a few cds. I knew I still had my small, black cd case somewhere and decided to give it a spin for old time's sake. I opened it to find all of your compilations. Sigh......................................... "They're just music," I assured myself as I flipped through the pages. I have to have a few that was burned by me vs. for me. And then the red balloons came. I forgot I borrowed them all. I guess yo

"Hold Me Now" - The Thompson Twins Ah the 80's. How I absolutely love the music of this era. Now the fashion sense is another story, but I have to say that I will never ever tire of listening to any song from this decade. Slow, fast, either way it carries a catchy beat. I'm happy to say that after a draining day, it's nice to come home and pop in a movie to take me away. Ah the Wedding Singer . Sandler, you did me proud here. This is definitely my fav of yours. Yes, it beats out 50 First Dates and Big Daddy because with this you brought back the 80's. The good, the bad, the mullet. You brought it all, but the best part about this film was definitely the ending. I would've blogged about "Growing Old with You," but I'm not quite strong enough yet. I know I'm better, much, much better since I was able to stomach this romantic comedy and that's a milestone for me. Lyrics: I have a picture pinned to my wall An image of you and of me and

"You were meant for Me" - Jewel Mother Nature was having one of her mood swings again today. Go figure, it's Mother's Day. Hot, cold, ups, downs... things just couldn't move in one straight line for once, could they? Sigh, I just hate it when someone isn't happy because of plans I made. I tried to let it go. Well, ok I'm lying, but it's hard when it's obvious to me. Things don't always happen the way I expect them to, but I wasn't really expecting much. I'm not much of a planner. All I wanted was an overall good Sunday with family. I guess it only takes one to change that. I hate to admit that I didn't help it either, but it's not in my nature to keep quiet. I know my heart was in the right place, but I tend to say things out of line. I don't know how to censor myself when I'm upset. Who does? The funny thing is I didn't even know I switched gears because it was so subtle. I only got the hint from their reaction and

"Bones" - Charlotte Martin I was intrigued. I googled Charlotte vs. Tori and several comparisons flooded the screen. Charlotte has been compared to every single "girl on the piano" iconic figure you could think of and pretty much to every solo female artist that I love: Fiona Apple, Joni Mitchell, and of course my Tori. I checked the Pandora site itself and learned a little about Charlotte as Charlotte . Interestingly enough, she had professional vocal training and studied Opera. She is also a professional pianist, but don't twist my words, I'm not hating on her at all. Actually, she's growing on me fast. Her song, "Every Time It Rains" wasn't available on Playlist, but it was the very first song that caught my ear. When I heard it I didn't confuse her for Tori. Let's not be silly, I know ALL Tori. However, although you can't deny the sound is pretty similar, it's still quite pretty. This is the kind of music that draws me

"In the Deep" - Bird York I haven't listened to this song in almost a year now. Somehow this and Cold Play is still hard to bear, but at least Cold Play warns me ahead of time with their familiar hellos. Ms. York sneaks up on me, but only for the first 7 seconds. It's then that I recognize her and shuffle her back with the rest. She used to find her way out quite often, but since January she's been laying low. I was grateful for that. It helped me get through March fairly easily. My iPod has been good to me for the most part and it didn't hurt me today. It was all Pandora's fault. I was organizing my storage room at work and knew that I wouldn't get by with just my thoughts to keep me company. It can get a little creepy being stuck in such a small room by myself, but I just had to suck it up and make the best of it. I could always use a little Tori to break the silence and so I pulled out my phone and clicked on "Tori Radio." The first song w

"Don't Stop Believing" - Journey I was about to call it a night when I decided to check my emails. I've been terrible about doing so lately and surprisingly, even more so with a Smart Phone because I clear out all my notifications before I get a chance to read through them. I was skimming down the list when I noticed 3 video messages from over 2-weeks ago. I clicked on the link to download the message and waited patiently. I knew it would be interesting, but I just didn't know what it was yet. My computer was taking forever until finally a pop-up window sprang up. I opened the image and there was my darling goddaughter in NC standing barefoot over a hardwood floor singing this song. She couldn't remember the words so my bff had to help her along. She started to do the "da, da, da" to mimic the piano intro and my goddaughter just took it away. She created her own version saying "toy" instead of "boy," which to me can easily be mist

"Rolling in the Deep" - Adele Ok so I'm a little late, but better late than never. The things I discover while driving around in my car. Music is my zen and without it, I know I'd go crazy. And I needed something to de-craze me tonight. This was definitely that something. At first I thought it was KT Tunstall because it began with such a distinct sound of, "I am woman hear me roar!" But then I checked my radio and low and behold it popped up with singer Adele. Hmmmm...I remember vaguely that my brother-in-law asked me about her a while ago, but it didn't ring a bell so we left it at that. Until now. I can't believe I didn't know who she was since I'm often drawn to strong female musicians. Adele's angry feminist voice is filled with extreme doses of estrogen, but none of that whiny, sappy, cry-baby bullsh*t. She wanted to empower her listeners to hear more than just a good beat and well-written lyrics. As she sang I heard her agony, but

"No Ordinary Love" - Sade What a Tuesday this turned out to be. It started at 7:06A. Who knew one line with two simple words can carry such a powerful punch? But it was definitely expected and surprisingly it didn't hurt as much as the slap in the face did last night. Fortunately, I was well prepared this time to leave well enough alone. I only had a couple of hours before the big show and I needed to make sure I arrived stunning and fresh. Emotional baggage would have to wait at the door because today was the day Ellen and I would finally get up close and personal. It was about time we met. This time I knew the drill. What to wear, where to go, how to check in, and how to play the waiting game. Except this time I had a guaranteed seat. We walked across the street, made our way passed the security point and into the studio. The AC was on full blast, bright lights were everywhere and the crew was pumped up and ready to make sure our energy met their standards. I'm prou