Within

"Lean on Me" - Bill Withers

Here's the thing. It's been brought to my attention numerous times just how much of an Indian Giver I can be and I often embraced this about me because I felt I deserve to get back just as much I gave out. I've been brought up to take care of people more than me, but I missed something. I always expected something in return, which is why I often got disappointed. I extended myself hoping that someone could do the same, but it was too far for them to reach. I never thought that if they could do it, then they probably would've done it for themselves. I made them feel inferior for accepting my help because they couldn't live up to what I could do. I saw this as a weakness and threw it back in their faces. Numerous times.

This was never my intention, but it was what I did. It was how I was and how people saw me. Unfortunately, I also have a bit more to learn. Most people are aware of what I've done and are hoping to one day pay me back, but it's not a loan if I gave it to them. It's a gift. They needed it, I had it. Done deal. And if they chose to take advantage of it, it wasn't their fault. It was mine. I sought out credit for it. I sought out the satisfaction of knowing I did it. It wasn't enough to know that I helped them. I needed their praise; their gratification. I needed it every damn day. It was selfish of me and I'm embarrassed to admit it, but here it is...finally. I'm wrong.

This passed weekend made me see it for myself. One of my best friends needed me, but he didn't know how to ask me. It wasn't a hard task. It would only take a couple of hours on the road and a night or two of my time, but regardless he couldn't ask. I couldn't believe it. People I care about should know I'd do what I could do for them. He knew this, but he hesitated because he didn't want me to hold it over his head. I felt like I got dumped all over again.

It was a "deer in headlights" kinda moment. I felt awful. I always thought I was doing the right thing, but it's not right to seek out attention for doing it. I felt like the snotty-nosed kid in the back of the classroom, raising their hand, hollering obnoxiously, "Pick me, pick me!" I felt like I got called on and suddenly forgot the answer. I guess you could say during this time, I had to do a little growing up of my own. So, I packed a small bag, gassed up my Mini and spent a few days and nights out in the middle of nowhere in a ratty motel to help a friend. I did it without expecting anything back and for the first time ever, I felt the satisfaction I've been craving all along. Little did I know that I had to get it from within me.

Lyrics:

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain, we all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on




Please, swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show

You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on

You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load
You have to bear that you can't carry
I'm right up the road, I'll share your load
If you just call me

Call me (If you need a friend)
Call me (Call me uh-huh)
Call me (When you need a friend)
Call me (If you ever need a friend)
Call me (Call me)
Call me (If you need a friend)
Call me (Call me)
Call me

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/billwithers/leanonme.html
http://www.rhythmatism.net/lean-on-me-bill-withers/