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Balls

"Hurt" - Nine Inch Nails (Original by Johnny Cash)


I'm blocked by a lot. I'm sitting here, stuck. I've been in a funk all day. Thinking, but not thinking. Focusing, but losing myself. I have projects to get done. I have deadlines to meet. I have a stupid job to keep. But...I no longer care for it now that I've learned that someone much stronger than me is draining away in a hospital room 6-stories high. It's supposed to put things into perspective, but sadly nothing's changed. The same sh*t is still happening and if that someone was well enough they'd agree with me.

They say, "No visitors." Do I listen or do I go anyway? Do I still have time? Doctors gave them days and I'm clueless to when the countdown began. I've never been good at this and I'll never want to be. I can't do hospitals. I can't do goodbyes. I can't see someone that started out with me, not finish with me. Not again. Not for good.

This is different. It's a trip and I'm kinda in denial about the whole thing. They were just with me last week cracking jokes at the most inappropriate times. That's their character. Their blunt humor and ghetto-fabulous ways will always make them stand out in a crowd even if it's in the worst way. They never gave a sh*t what anyone thought. If something or someone bothered them, they'll tell you in your face, not behind your back. Not many people have the balls. Them? They're all about balls.

I wish I could say the same. I want to say that I will be more and do more, but who am I kidding? I'm bitter and often ball-less. I'm wired this way. I'll argue my way out of things, but I'm not as brave to stand up in front of the bosses. At least not in the way they've done it. And now everyone's waiting. Me? I'm not. I'm still hoping. And with that I say, "Prove 'em wrong and bust outta there chica. Even if it's in spirit."

Lyrics:

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of sh*t
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nineinchnails/hurt.html
http://www.flickr.com/photos/celsobessa/2329953215/
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