"Wild Horses" - The Sundays
A very dear friend of mine helped me say my last goodbyes to another dear friend and from that experience, he realized just how short life can be and how small we really are in this big world. He thought about this all night and built up enough courage to go to me the next morning and do something he never thought he could ever do. He knocked lightly on my door asking to be invited in. He looked lost and a little unsure of what to say. This is unlike him. He sat across from me and stared at me for a minute.
"I wanted to talk to you about something..." he trailed off.
"Ya, sure what's up?" I asked.
"Seeing our friend lying in a hospital bed made me think about life and where I want to be. And I don't want to be a friend, stuck in a bed, living my final days wishing I could've said something. Wishing that I could've done something..." he continued.
"Uh-oh," I thought to myself.
"I know where this is going...please, please, please don't take it there," I repeated in my head.
"You're a wonderful woman. You're beautiful, smart, so smart. You always tell me to look out for myself and I always listen to you. You always tell me who I shouldn't date because they're not good enough for me and they never are...But you are. You're perfect," he said.
I'm unbelievably flattered, but taken back by all of this and say nothing in return.
"How do you feel about dating me? I mean, you don't have to answer right away. Think about it. I know I can make you happy," he said.
"Oh nooooo...(sigh)...right words, wrong guy...(deeper sigh)," I thought and still said nothing.
My heart ached. The silence was deafening. I smiled and looked down at my gallery rug. I looked around the room, up at the ceiling, at my little nick-knacks. I searched everywhere for the right words to let him down easy.
"Oh why, oh why does this always happen to me?" I thought.
"He's a great person, a good guy, he won't ever hurt me and yet, it's a no," I thought again, irritated at the thought of it. Frustrated by the silence.
"That's probably why..." I whispered, shaking my head.
He looked down and then back up at me. I smiled again.
"Ay...I don't know how to say this..." I trailed off.
"Just think about it," he said again.
"I don't think..." I started to say before he sweetly interrupted.
"Please think about it. Take a risk. Give me a chance," he said.
He walked out of the room.
Our friend passed away that weekend and I'm still in disbelief. I keep thinking she's vacationing somewhere far away from all of this mess. I can't express how grateful I am to him for coming with me before it was too late to see her one last time, but I didn't tell him this. I couldn't, but I should have said it. I didn't want him to read into it for being more than what it is. I cherish him, but not in the way he's asking me to.
Then another week passed by; days too. It felt like months. I kept busy with work in hopes that he'll read the signs so that I don't have to spell it out. I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve to be hurt like the others do, but I can't be with someone for their sake. It's not fair to either of us.
"Ugh, sigh, argh! Really with this sh*t?!" I yell to myself.
Friends would joke around about how much he adored me. It was no secret how he felt. It's been quite obvious for years. I just didn't think it would ever be brought out in the open and yet there it was. Big, bright as day and staring at me in the face. I had to deal with it.
(Knock, knock) "Hey..." he said as he entered my office.
"Hey, um...hey" I responded.
We chatted here and there about stuff. He told me about his week. I told him about mine. He talked about a woman he was dating that said she could never be friends with a guy who was once interested in her, but months later he's still her friend. I took this as a clue to answer his question, but I couldn't. I kept beating around the bush and getting side-tracked with other meaningless topics. It was like the Pink Elephant was standing between us and we pretended not to notice...and that was ONE, BIG, PINK ELEPHANT.
"Is this your way of telling me 'No?'" he finally asked.
A sudden pain hit my chest. I looked down again for answers, but again nothing.
"Ay..." I sighed.
"You can say it. You can tell me. Just tell me 'No,'" he said.
"Why does it have to be like this? Why can't I feel for him like he feels for me, huh? Why?!" I ask myself.
"No...no but thank you..." I finally said.
"Why is it so hard for you to say, 'No?'" he asked.
"I don't know...it just is. I don't want to lose you. I've lost a lot already and not you too, ya know," I explained.
"You're not going to lose me. You'll never lose me, but if you ever change your mind..." he joked (but I sensed he was being serious).
He left the room and I just sat in my seat, staring over at the empty seat across from me. I stared at it for a long time.
Lyrics:
Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady, you know who I am,
You know I can't let you slide through my hands
Wild Horses,
Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses,
Couldn't drag me away...
I watched you suffer a dull, aching pain
Now you decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or offstage lines,
Can make me feel bitter or treat you unkind
Wild Horses,
Couldn't drag me away,Wild, wild horses,
Couldn't drag me away...
I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie,
I have my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken tears must be cried,
Let's do some living after we die
Wild Horses,
Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses,
We'll ride them someday
Wild Horses,
Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses,
We'll ride them someday
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/buffythevampireslayer/wildhorses.htm
http://www.rudolfdethu.com/2011/01/18/rock-n-roll-exhibition-nasta-sutardjo/
A very dear friend of mine helped me say my last goodbyes to another dear friend and from that experience, he realized just how short life can be and how small we really are in this big world. He thought about this all night and built up enough courage to go to me the next morning and do something he never thought he could ever do. He knocked lightly on my door asking to be invited in. He looked lost and a little unsure of what to say. This is unlike him. He sat across from me and stared at me for a minute.
"I wanted to talk to you about something..." he trailed off.
"Ya, sure what's up?" I asked.
"Seeing our friend lying in a hospital bed made me think about life and where I want to be. And I don't want to be a friend, stuck in a bed, living my final days wishing I could've said something. Wishing that I could've done something..." he continued.
"Uh-oh," I thought to myself.
"I know where this is going...please, please, please don't take it there," I repeated in my head.
"You're a wonderful woman. You're beautiful, smart, so smart. You always tell me to look out for myself and I always listen to you. You always tell me who I shouldn't date because they're not good enough for me and they never are...But you are. You're perfect," he said.
I'm unbelievably flattered, but taken back by all of this and say nothing in return.
"How do you feel about dating me? I mean, you don't have to answer right away. Think about it. I know I can make you happy," he said.
"Oh nooooo...(sigh)...right words, wrong guy...(deeper sigh)," I thought and still said nothing.
My heart ached. The silence was deafening. I smiled and looked down at my gallery rug. I looked around the room, up at the ceiling, at my little nick-knacks. I searched everywhere for the right words to let him down easy.
"Oh why, oh why does this always happen to me?" I thought.
"He's a great person, a good guy, he won't ever hurt me and yet, it's a no," I thought again, irritated at the thought of it. Frustrated by the silence.
"That's probably why..." I whispered, shaking my head.
He looked down and then back up at me. I smiled again.
"Ay...I don't know how to say this..." I trailed off.
"Just think about it," he said again.
"I don't think..." I started to say before he sweetly interrupted.
"Please think about it. Take a risk. Give me a chance," he said.
He walked out of the room.
Our friend passed away that weekend and I'm still in disbelief. I keep thinking she's vacationing somewhere far away from all of this mess. I can't express how grateful I am to him for coming with me before it was too late to see her one last time, but I didn't tell him this. I couldn't, but I should have said it. I didn't want him to read into it for being more than what it is. I cherish him, but not in the way he's asking me to.
Then another week passed by; days too. It felt like months. I kept busy with work in hopes that he'll read the signs so that I don't have to spell it out. I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve to be hurt like the others do, but I can't be with someone for their sake. It's not fair to either of us.
"Ugh, sigh, argh! Really with this sh*t?!" I yell to myself.
Friends would joke around about how much he adored me. It was no secret how he felt. It's been quite obvious for years. I just didn't think it would ever be brought out in the open and yet there it was. Big, bright as day and staring at me in the face. I had to deal with it.
(Knock, knock) "Hey..." he said as he entered my office.
"Hey, um...hey" I responded.
We chatted here and there about stuff. He told me about his week. I told him about mine. He talked about a woman he was dating that said she could never be friends with a guy who was once interested in her, but months later he's still her friend. I took this as a clue to answer his question, but I couldn't. I kept beating around the bush and getting side-tracked with other meaningless topics. It was like the Pink Elephant was standing between us and we pretended not to notice...and that was ONE, BIG, PINK ELEPHANT.
"Is this your way of telling me 'No?'" he finally asked.
A sudden pain hit my chest. I looked down again for answers, but again nothing.
"Ay..." I sighed.
"You can say it. You can tell me. Just tell me 'No,'" he said.
"Why does it have to be like this? Why can't I feel for him like he feels for me, huh? Why?!" I ask myself.
"No...no but thank you..." I finally said.
"Why is it so hard for you to say, 'No?'" he asked.
"I don't know...it just is. I don't want to lose you. I've lost a lot already and not you too, ya know," I explained.
"You're not going to lose me. You'll never lose me, but if you ever change your mind..." he joked (but I sensed he was being serious).
He left the room and I just sat in my seat, staring over at the empty seat across from me. I stared at it for a long time.
Lyrics:Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady, you know who I am,
You know I can't let you slide through my hands
Wild Horses,
Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses,
Couldn't drag me away...
I watched you suffer a dull, aching pain
Now you decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or offstage lines,
Can make me feel bitter or treat you unkind
Wild Horses,
Couldn't drag me away,Wild, wild horses,
Couldn't drag me away...
I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie,
I have my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken tears must be cried,
Let's do some living after we die
Wild Horses,
Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses,
We'll ride them someday
Wild Horses,
Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses,
We'll ride them someday
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/buffythevampireslayer/wildhorses.htm
http://www.rudolfdethu.com/2011/01/18/rock-n-roll-exhibition-nasta-sutardjo/
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