"If Only" - Tiffany
This holiday season is going to be harder than I ever imagined it would be. Not because I'm technically alone, but because I never thought I'd be here again. And ya, it's not difficult to find a temporary someone, a warm body to fill the void. I realized just how easy early on. But it's definitely not the same. You can be near someone, hold their hands, even kiss them. You can let them into you physically, but they'll never be what you expect them to be emotionally.
The feeling of euphoria... the butterflies in my stomach from a single glance can only go so far. The feeling of nostalgia from flirting with an ex because I can and no one has any ties on me to tell me otherwise, can take me to a such a high point and bring me down just as quickly. Guess that's why an ex is an ex in the first place. So, no I probably won't take the offer after all. I doubt it's still on the table for me to take anyway.
The problem is I need my heart for this and I can't seem to find the damn thing. I have it stashed some place safe, but I don't remember where that is. I'm worried because it's not working right and I don't know how to fix it. I was never really good at fixing things and this time, it's in terrible shape. I think I'll get around to it after New Year's. Maybe this will be the first resolution I actually keep.
Don't confuse things. I don't want to get back together. Please God don't put me through this again. I guess it'd be more believable if I were religious, but a girl can be hopeful. It's not like I need another relationship either. I don't want to date. I don't want to meet someone new and go through this whole rigmarole all over again. It's just hard not being able to share certain things like...
A movie I recently watched, good or bad (usually bad, but this time I actually really enjoyed it).
A book (or 2) that I finished faster than I've ever read anything in my life. I know how Strangers in Paradise ends by the way and the side story, Molly & Poo is so memorable and disturbing it's alarming.
Upcoming events. Tickets go on sale in 6-hours. I wonder who will be awake to try too...
A saying...
A particular place...
A favorite food...
A familiar face...
I wish I could tell you these things. I wish I could be "friends," but in order to do so I'd have to forgive and forget and I just can't do either. Not right now. I wish I could feel that you'll be back in 3, maybe even 6 months. Maybe not back, back. Maybe I spoke too soon. But it'd be nice for you to give me some sign that I'm not the only one being human here, thinking these things and feeling this way. Then again...if only...
Lyrics:
Scarlet red
drips from my veins
What's wrong with me
That I imagine such things
And if only for a moment
Let there be peace
And how can I
Live with this pain
I don't have the strength
To conquer this shame
And if only for a moment
Let there be peace
And tell me did you know
That I still won't let it go
And just maybe you're
still flying free
If only
Tell me why
I'm left here alone
I search for your voice
But I should've known
That if only for a moment
You'd be with me
And tell me did you know
That I still won't let it go
And just maybe you're
still flying free
If only I could change the way
You were torn away from me
I would never let you go
I'd burn away the plans we made
Pretending to believe
That I am not afraid
And tell me did you know
That I still won't let it go
And just maybe you're
still flying free
And tell me did you know
That I still won't let you go
And just maybe you're
still flying free
If only
Images from Google: Tiffany
http://www.mp3lyrics.org/t/tiffany/if/
This holiday season is going to be harder than I ever imagined it would be. Not because I'm technically alone, but because I never thought I'd be here again. And ya, it's not difficult to find a temporary someone, a warm body to fill the void. I realized just how easy early on. But it's definitely not the same. You can be near someone, hold their hands, even kiss them. You can let them into you physically, but they'll never be what you expect them to be emotionally.
The feeling of euphoria... the butterflies in my stomach from a single glance can only go so far. The feeling of nostalgia from flirting with an ex because I can and no one has any ties on me to tell me otherwise, can take me to a such a high point and bring me down just as quickly. Guess that's why an ex is an ex in the first place. So, no I probably won't take the offer after all. I doubt it's still on the table for me to take anyway.
The problem is I need my heart for this and I can't seem to find the damn thing. I have it stashed some place safe, but I don't remember where that is. I'm worried because it's not working right and I don't know how to fix it. I was never really good at fixing things and this time, it's in terrible shape. I think I'll get around to it after New Year's. Maybe this will be the first resolution I actually keep.
Don't confuse things. I don't want to get back together. Please God don't put me through this again. I guess it'd be more believable if I were religious, but a girl can be hopeful. It's not like I need another relationship either. I don't want to date. I don't want to meet someone new and go through this whole rigmarole all over again. It's just hard not being able to share certain things like...
A movie I recently watched, good or bad (usually bad, but this time I actually really enjoyed it).
A book (or 2) that I finished faster than I've ever read anything in my life. I know how Strangers in Paradise ends by the way and the side story, Molly & Poo is so memorable and disturbing it's alarming.
Upcoming events. Tickets go on sale in 6-hours. I wonder who will be awake to try too...
A saying...
A particular place...
A favorite food...
A familiar face...
I wish I could tell you these things. I wish I could be "friends," but in order to do so I'd have to forgive and forget and I just can't do either. Not right now. I wish I could feel that you'll be back in 3, maybe even 6 months. Maybe not back, back. Maybe I spoke too soon. But it'd be nice for you to give me some sign that I'm not the only one being human here, thinking these things and feeling this way. Then again...if only...
Lyrics:
Scarlet red
drips from my veins
What's wrong with me
That I imagine such things
And if only for a moment
Let there be peace
And how can I
Live with this pain
I don't have the strength
To conquer this shame
And if only for a moment
Let there be peace
And tell me did you know
That I still won't let it go
And just maybe you're
still flying free
If only Tell me why
I'm left here alone
I search for your voice
But I should've known
That if only for a moment
You'd be with me
And tell me did you know
That I still won't let it go
And just maybe you're
still flying free
If only I could change the way
You were torn away from me
I would never let you go
I'd burn away the plans we made
Pretending to believe
That I am not afraid
And tell me did you know
That I still won't let it go
And just maybe you're
still flying free
And tell me did you know
That I still won't let you go
And just maybe you're
still flying free
If only
Images from Google: Tiffany
http://www.mp3lyrics.org/t/tiffany/if/
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