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Defeated

"Dreaming My Dream" - The Cranberries


Damn...

This is what I wanted to write about early yesterday morning (before the unfortunate distraction). It's a day late, but I'm never on time anyway.

I've been sleeping before my curfew (2:00 am). In bed by 12:30 and knocked out by 1:00, but now I just wake up at 5 on the dot. This is definitely unusual territory for me. It's not like I get all the way up and do jumping jacks or even roll out of bed. I'm just lying there, thinking, and irritated that I'm not sleeping. And on Tuesday I woke up feeling extremely sad over yet another dream.

You weren't in it. At least I didn't see you...but for some reason I was at your house. I talked to your dad a bit and he was so distraught. He said no one had been home for a while and so there was no one to take care of Sabrina. She passed away in three days because of it. I sat on the wooden floor by his side trying to console him.

Your sister came in shortly thereafter with super-curly hair. Apparently, it was 80's day at her daughter's school so they both decided to go wild with curls. She was shocked to see me, but smiled nonetheless. Her daughter ran into the house. She looked exactly the same behind the hair and when she saw me, she jumped up with excitement and gave me a big hug. My heart melted.

As I was hugging her, your son strolled in. He'll never change in my head, but he was much taller. I opened my arms to welcome him, but he wouldn't come to me. I wasn't sure if he even recognized me anymore. I moved in closer, but he kept taking steps back. And so I asked him,

Me: "Hi, do you remember me?"

Him: "..."

Me: "You are so big now."

Him: "Ya..."

Me: "Yes, you're growing or yes, you remember me?"

Him: "I remember."

Me: "Can I get a hug?"

Him: "No."

Me: "..."

Him: "I can't. I can't anymore."

Me: "Oh. Ok. It's ok."

Him: "It's not ok."

He walked away, taking my heart with him. And sadly, I knew he'll never realize he will always have it.

End of dream.

Lyrics:

All the things you said to me today,
Change my perspective in every way.
These things count to mean so much to me,
Into my faith, you and your baby.

It's out there. It's out there.
It's out there. If you want me I'll be here.
It's out there. It's out there.
It's out there. If you want me I'll be here.

I'll be dreaming my dreams with you.
I'll be dreaming my dreams with you.
And there's no other place,
That I'd lay down my face.
I'll be dreaming my dreams with you.

It's out there. It's out there.
It's out there. If you want me I'll be here...
It's out there. It's out there.
It's out there. If you want me I'll be here.

I'll be dreaming my dreams with you.
I'll be dreaming my dreams with you.
And there's no other place,
That I'd lay down my face.
I'll be dreaming my dreams with you.

Dreaming my dreams with you.
I'll be dreaming my dreams with you.
And there's no other place,
That I'd lay down my face.
I'll be dreaming my dreams with you


http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/cranberriehttp://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B3pd8gvEaCQ/Ry8uR2_xiJI/AAAAAAAAAsI/x5X9zWG_h4k/s320/cranberries_1.jpgs/dreamingmydreams.html

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