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Calm

"White Blank Page" - Mumford & Sons


I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this Easter morning. "Cough." The world was up, but I was in no mood to deal with it. "Cough." I fought the need to start the day for as long as I could. "Cough." I fought my urge to pee. "Cough." I fought the noise surrounding me. "Cough." I fought the sound of kids running around, the clanging of plates and silverware, the shuffling of hurried feet in and out of the kitchen and scurrying passed my bedroom door. "Cough." I wanted to hide underneath the warmth of my plush red blanket, but once again I lost my fuzzy pink socks in the middle of the night. "Cough." They escaped somehow and no matter what I did, I couldn't stay warm. "Cough."

Frustrated from the lack of sleep I got and the unfortunate ticking clock, I knew it was just a matter of time before the house filled up with even more people and even more noise. "Cough." And to top it all off, I'm suffering from this random cough that interrupts my ability to speak clearly, my sanity and my overall train of thought. I had to calm down and so I gave myself a minute and this song entered my mind.

The line, "Tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?" echoed loudly in my head. And for a brief moment it relieved my cough, but it did the opposite of what I needed. It pissed me off and ignited me into a fueling ball of fire and suddenly, I was angry. I kicked off my sheets and stormed out of my room, yelling like a spoiled brat, "Why the f@$K are you guys so damn loud?!" And then, "Cough."

I was angry that I didn't get enough sleep yet again. Angry because everyone else wasn't angry like me. Angry because of this stupid cough. Angry that things were chaotic in the house and it drained what little energy I had just looking around, seeing everyone busy and being the only one in my pajamas after 11:00A with a f@$kin' cough. Angry because no one was paying any attention to me being angry.

My dad was barbecuing outside while my baby sis and her bf were setting up for the Easter egg hunt. The only one that could've heard me was my mom, but she was quietly washing dishes in the sink. I knew I was loud enough for her to hear me, but she didn't even turn around. I went into the bathroom, slammed the door and washed my face. I started to clean (this is the only room besides mine that I'm in charge of when it comes to setting up for parties). I did this in 5-minutes flat because I knew I'd only have less than 10 for my room alone. People were already on their way and I was still just waking up.

I was ready to throw another tantrum once I let the reality of this sink in. Especially since this song kept me thinking about all that lost time, lost effort, and lost cause of yet another failed relationship. "Cough." F@$K!

I opened the door quickly, ready to scream another slur of bullsh*t. And there was my mom, standing in the middle of my messy room (this, folks is rare), holding hot tea in my infamous Eeyore mug. She smiled and said in her stern, but sweet voice, "Here anak (child of mine), drink this for your cough." And then like magic, I was calm.

Lyrics:

Can you lie next to her
And give her your heart, your heart
As well as your body
And can you lie next to her
And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly
And can you kneel before the king
And say I'm clean, I'm clean

But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections

But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life


http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mumfordsons/whiteblankpage.html
http://musicloversgroups.blogspot.com/2010/10/mumford-sons-white-blank-page-lyrics.html

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