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Crushed

"Always in My Heart" - Tevin Campbell

Freshman year. New school. New crush. New mixed tape.

I didn't just receive them. I loved making them too, even as time-consuming as they were to make. This was way before music was at your fingertips. There was no such thing as playlist.com. CDs cost $20+ and who knew if all the songs were even good? Plus, I was a kid. I didn't have any money to buy anything. So, I used to keep the radio on with a fresh tape inside. The cassette player's pause/record buttons would be pressed down at the same time and ready to go. Once I heard the song I wanted (passed the commercial breaks and the DJ talking over the intro) I'd release the pause button and capture it.

I used to love the feeling I'd get when an awesome song was being recorded. I'd always think, "Wow, what perfect timing." I'd sit there for hours trying to squeeze in as many songs as I could on one side. I remember seeing the ribbon grow smaller and hoping to stretch it until the strip turned white. Then I'd flip over the tape and do it all over again. Once I had what I needed, I'd play, rewind, pause to write the lyrics down word for word. These became my "source tapes" and I used them to make my final masterpiece, but I wouldn't know what to make unless I had someone special to make it for.

In walked my new crush. I tossed around my feelings for a minute to see if this one would even be worth such attention to detail. He wasn't, but obviously I was stubborn so I didn't listen to my instinct. I pulled out my tapes and notebook full of lyrics and laid them out in front of me. I played all the songs all the way through, singing along to see which one would make the cut.

Insert "source tape" into Side A.
Insert Maxell's High Bias cassette tape into Side B.
Pause, play, record...
Pause, play, record some more...
60-minutes (90-minutes if you're lucky) later...
Stop.

Once my creation was done, I got my blue Papermate pen and wrote each song, line by line, on the tiny little boxes printed on the tape's cover. I doodled a cute title on an even tinier sticker and placed it carefully at the center and closed the finished product with a kiss. This song was on the list on what will always be known as my absolute favorite mixed tape I ever made, but I gave it to the wrong guy. I remember he thanked me, but sadly he criticized my musical taste. I was crushed. So, on that early September afternoon I made the foolish decision to criticize him in return...on his answering machine...that not only he heard. And his mom called back. I got the lecture and he got the boot. I just wished I got my tape back too.

Lyrics:

Where do they get off telling you
that I am not the least bit into
Just tell me how the hell they can tell you they know what's in my heart
What do they get from telling you
that I don't give a damn about you
Just tell me why the hell somebody wants to tear your heart apart

Oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why
Why do some people have to tell you lies
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I love you more than words could ever show
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't explain
Why do some people have to be that way
I can't take much more, I can't ignore
I have to let you know what's in my heart

If I never ever say that I love you
Just remember, girl, I'm saying I do


You should know that from this moment
you are always in my heart
If I never ever say that I love you
Just remember, girl, I'm saying I do
love you
You'll be always in my heart

They're not the ones to be there for you
When you need someone to turn to
They won't be anywhere, be anywhere when things start falling down
Oh, yeah
They're only in it to confuse you
So they can turn around and use you
But it can't happen, it won't happen girl as long as I'm around

Oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why
Why do some people have to tell you lies
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I love you more than words could ever show
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't explain
Why do some people have to be that way
I can't take much more, I can't ignore
I have to let you know what's in my heart

If I never ever say that I love you
Just remember, girl, I'm saying I do
You should know that from this moment you are always in my heart
If I never ever say that I love you
Just remember, girl, I'm saying I do
love you
You'll be always in my heart

Oh, why
Why, why, why
Yeah
Why did you have to listen to the lies
Oh, girl
My sweet girl
Well, there is only you inside my world
Oh, please
Baby, please
I wish you could believe in me
Right now
Right now
If only you could know

If I never ever say that I love you
Just remember, girl, I'm saying I do
You should know that from this moment you are always in my heart
If I never ever say that I love you
Just remember, girl, I'm saying I do
love you
You'll be always in my heart


http://www.weddingvendors.com/music/lyrics/t/tevin-campbell/always-in-my-heart/
http://livemusic.fm/gig/tevin-campbell-tickets-the-indigo2-london-04-oct-2009

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