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Balance

"Defying Gravity" - Wicked (Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth)

I wasn't going to blog tonight. I promised not to stress myself over this and instead use it as a way of coping with stress. This shouldn't be another job I have to do. It's not an assignment. I'm not turning it in for credit. There are no grades. There are no rules, but I somehow place restrictions on what I can and cannot write about anyway. It pisses me off and then I become my own worst critic. It's supposed to be freelance and sadly, it feels far from free. I know this because at times, I feel forced. My posts somehow seem flat to me, like they're just words spread across the page to show proof that I at least attempted to write.

So I thought about this blog; all of my blogs for that matter and wondered who they really were for? I realized that often my inspiration for writing was sparked by my feelings towards something or someone vs. just me and my desire to write. I resented this for a long time, but I know now that I can't change it. The truth is I write better through emotion. It's how I function so I let it lead me. It's been hard to admit because I don't want to write about the same thing over and over again. I don't want people to read me thinking, "Oh, there goes that poor girl."

But I can't help it. I wear things well on my sleeve. If I'm upset, then all of my entries are focused on that anger. It's my way of venting. It's better than punching walls or breaking things. If I'm heartbroken, often the words spill out of me faster than my tears. It's my way of controlling it. It's better than heaving in and out because I can't breathe normally. If I'm sick, I change it up in hopes that I could trick myself into feeling better; in hopes that I could trick myself into writing about something else. But who am I kidding? I'd only be lying to myself because I know my heart and mind aren't ready to move forward just yet. The challenge isn't what's ahead of me. It's dealing with what's in front of me. I picked this song because I feel as if it's me arguing with me, but I know I'll find a balance. I always do.


Lyrics:

Elphaba! Why couldn't you have stayed calm for
once, Instead of flying off the handle!
I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy now,
I hope you're happy how you,
Hurt your cause forever,
I hope you think you're clever!

I hope you're happy,
I hope you're happy, too,
I hope you're proud how you,
Would grovel in submission,
To feed your own ambition.

So though I can't imagine how,
I hope you're happy right now,

Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry.
You can still be with the Wizard,
What you've worked and waited for,
You can have all you ever wanted..

I know,
But I don't want it,
No - I can't want it.
Anymore.

Something has changed within me,
Something is not the same,
I'm through with playing by the rules,
Of someone else's game.
Too late for second-guessing,
Too late to go back to sleep,
It's time to trust my instincts,
Close my eyes, and leap!

It's time to try,
Defying gravity,
I think I'll try,
Defying gravity,
And you can't pull me down!

Can't I make you understand?
You're having delusions of grandeur.

I'm through accepting limits,
'Cuz someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change,
But till I try, I'll never know,
Too long I've been afraid of,
Losing love I guess I've lost,
Well, if that's love,
It comes at much too high a cost,
I'd sooner buy,
Defying gravity,
Kiss me goodbye,
I'm defying gravity,
And you can't pull me down.
Glinda - Come with me. Think of what we could
do, together.

Unlimited,
Together we're unlimited,
Together we'll be the greatest team,
There's ever been,
Glinda,
Dreams, the way we planned them.

If we work in tandem;

There's no fight we cannot win,
Just you and I,
Defying gravity,
With you and I,
Defying gravity,

They'll never bring us down!
Well? Are you coming?

I hope you're happy,
Now that you're choosing this,

You too,
I hope it brings you bliss.

I really hope you get it,
And you don't live to regret it,
I hope you're happy in the end,
I hope you're happy, my friend.

So if you care to find me
Look to the west end sky,
As someone told me lately;
"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo,
At least I'm flying free,
To those who'd ground me,
Take a message back from me,
Tell them how I am,
Defying gravity,
I'm flying high,
Defying gravity,
And soon I'll match them in renown,
And nobody in all of Oz,
No Wizard that there is or was,
Is ever gonna bring me down!
I hope you're happy!

Look at her, she's wicked!
Get her!

Bring me down!

No one mourns the wicked,
So we've got to bring her.
Ahhh!
Down!


http://www.lyricsmania.com/defying_gravity_lyrics_wicked:_the_musical.html
All about Wicked: The+Musical: http://www.musictory.com/music/Wicked:+The+Musical
http://wwww.fanpop.com/spots/wicked/images/2669833/title/idina-menzel-kristin-chenoweth-photo

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