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I Want Out

"Theme from Mahogany (Do You Know Where You're Going To)" - Diana Ross

It's been a rough couple of days. I spent most of it pacing back and forth in order to find some sense of direction, but I'm completely at a standstill. I've been here and done that, unchallenged by the work that I do and continuously challenged by the people in it. It's a joke. This idea of helping one another in order to help others is a big, fat joke. I know...I've always known the tricks of the trade, yet I refuse to give in so easily. It's not who I am and sadly, it's making me miserable. I either do as they say or defend my job's integrity, but how far will I go to maintain job security?

I have no voice, no say, no room in this role I play, but I just don't know where to go anymore. I don't know what I want to do and I'm afraid that if I leave, I'll end up with absolutely nothing. And I can't even afford nothing. So I'm trapped because of this need and I'm burnt out as a result of it. I used to have purpose, but now the only purpose I have is to spoon-feed a bunch of lazy and selfish a$$holes. Enough is enough already. I wish that they'd take some responsibility to attempt to know more than me. They obviously get compensated for it. Unfortunately, they've never done the dirty work to lead by example and I can't teach them if they're not willing to learn.

I drove home contemplating my next steps. I may not know a lot of things, but I do know this. I've left before and I can surely leave again, but I don't want to jump into something too fast without thinking it through. I don't want to repeat this same mistake. I don't want to seek change and end up in the same place I left off. I don't want to feel stuck. I don't want to wait until it's too late and all I achieved was talking about what I don't want vs. actually searching for what it is I truly want. So I think I'm finally done here. I've done all I could do here. And here is where I no longer want to be. I want to be free.

Lyrics:

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to? do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?

Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies that filled our minds
You knew i loved you, but my spirit was free
Laughing at the question that you once ask me

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to? do you know?

Now, looking back in all we pass
We've let so many dreams just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long before we see
How sad the answers to those questions can be?

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to? do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hoping for? do you know?


http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/d/dianaross1160/doyouknowwhereyouregoingto245234.html
http://buildyoursoulpurpose.com/a-business-lesson-from-diana-ross

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