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Why I Stayed

"Don't Worry Baby" - Beach Boys

I could stay or I could leave... I remember thinking this the day I found out. So much of me wanted to walk away, but it was too late. I'd fallen for you. Hard. Believe me I received an ear full of reasons why I should quit. I was expected to. You even expected me to since it was what I said I wanted: no ties, no lies, no kids. I didn't know what to make out of it so I cried. I cried so much I cried even more. I just couldn't understand why something so perfect had to be ruined so soon. Then you shut down...completely...and I stayed.

I didn't want to abandon you. I remember calling out for a week from both jobs while you started a new one. I had an empty apartment all to myself, but instead I drove out to your crowded house to sleep next to you for what felt like only a few minutes. You had to leave by 3am every morning and by the time you finally came home, you were so exhausted you simply knocked out. I can't even remember how I spent my time in-between being alone and being awake as you slept. A few nights I stayed up after you left hoping you would call out sick too and come back to be with me. You never did. I could've worked. I could've went home. It didn't seem like I was doing any good just being there next to you. A you I never met before until that awful stretch. But I still stayed.

The following week you decided to meet with her, face-to-face, since you heard the "news." She was going to show you pictures as proof that what she was saying was true. I didn't understand why you chose to do this at a time when I wasn't off work too. The night finally arrived and I had a choice to go to work or risk losing my job to support you. It was an easy choice to make. I knew you really didn't want me to go, but I had to be there. It was more for me than you. It was for my sanity. This memory is so vivid in mind that I can even recall the light green corduroy jacket I was wearing as we made our way through the parking lot. You were holding my hand as we walked up to the Target entrance, but when we approached her, you let go. This nearly killed me, yet I stayed.

She was holding a small photo book. You briefly introduced us and then the two of you started talking. The whole thing was awkward for everyone, but more so for me. Neither one of you paid any attention to me as the conversation progressed. I felt like the needy kid, stuck in the middle of two arguing parents, jumping up and down for attention but no one would look at me. She opened the album. My heart stopped jumping. Picture after picture, reality started to sink in. This little boy with tanned skin, slanted eyes and curly hair...this lil' devil was definitely yours. And I stayed.

How the whole thing ended, how we even made it to the car, and how the ride was the whole way home was a blur. I mentally checked out and the only images that came to mind was every single photo I saw. I knew I was way over my head as the same thought entered my mind. I could stay or I could leave. I knew without a doubt it would be easier to leave. Mostly everyone agreed with me; everyone but your mom. I remember how worried you were about telling your family, especially your mom and grandparents. You didn't want to disappoint them. You didn't want to be looked at as a failure, but I never thought of this as "failing." It was a child, not a grade on a report card. I remember how often we fought during that time of knowing and not knowing for sure. I remember just how ugly our fights got. But again, I stayed.

When you finally got the nerve to tell your mom, she reacted exactly how you thought she would...in tears. That is, until you told her it wasn't mine. Hearing this was like taking a bullet. I know now it wasn't because of me, but mind you back then, this was how it came out when you told me. All I kept thinking was, "How could she cry if it was our baby?" It was because she thought it was too soon. She thought you and I had so much potential to do things the "right way" (whatever that way is) and then this sudden wrench was thrown into the mix. It was breaking what we thought we had. I was being pulled in one direction, to get out while I still can, but I couldn't find the energy to move. Everybody was ready for me to be done with it, except me. I just remember your mom, holding my hand after you and I got into one of our many arguments. I was heading out to my second job when she looked at me and said, "Do what's best for you, but do this...leave my son for my son. Don't leave him because of his." This stuck with me and is the reason why I chose to stay.

Honestly, I'm happy I did. She was right. Here I was starting to resent this precious little one when it wasn't his fault. He didn't make any mistakes for coming into this world. He deserves a chance to be in a happy home and to have a good life and I didn't want you to be alone to fight for this. Although it didn't happen over night and the whole battle was a very tiring and trying experience to say the least, in the end it was well worth it. He won. He has his mom and now, his rightful dad. He has so many families that love him dearly today. And hey, you know what? For the first time together, we actually started something that we finally finished. So, I guess everything did turn out alright after all.

Lyrics:

Well its been building up inside of me
For oh I don't know how long
I don't know why
But I keep thinking
Something's bound to go wrong

But she looks in my eyes
And makes me realize
And she says "Don't worry baby"
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright

Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby

I guess I should've kept my mouth shut
When I started to brag about my car
But I can't back down now because
I pushed the other guys too far

She makes me come alive
And makes me wanna drive
When she says "Don't worry baby"
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright

Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby

She told me "Baby, when you race today
Just take along my love with you
And if you knew how much I loved you
Baby nothing could go wrong with you"

Oh what she does to me
When she makes love to me
And she says "Don't worry baby"
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright

Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby


http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/beachboys/dontworrybaby.html
http://blogfinger.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/music-the-beach-boys-dont-worry-baby/

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