"If I Fall" - Aqualung
Over a week has gone by. It started off on an awful note and at one point I almost forgot that there's more to me than the profession that once used to inspire me. I pushed myself to continue to endure it up until the fourth day because on that day, I promised to walk away, clock out and let it go. I packed my bags and left my baggage behind. I sat inside what used to be one of my worst fears and said, "Man up, lady." I pushed up against the window seat and looked out. The plane moved quickly up the runway, but my eyes stayed glued to it until pavement turned into sky.
I knew in less than an hour I'd soon be in what will be my new home. It scares me to think that I'm about to go through such a change and this is why for over six months, I've been hanging onto this ridiculous belief that every experience with any man is the same. I failed to embrace the fact that I no longer had to be with just "any" man. I know I wrote about this before, but it wasn't until this passed Saturday evening that it finally hit me.
I.
Am.
Happy.
It came to me while he sang Karaoke and didn't care who was looking as he sang it to me. It came to me while being surrounded by his family and mine. It came to me when his mom called me, "Anak." It came to me when my mom pulled me up to dance and then wrapped me around him so I could dance with him. It came to me when my parents looked at me with pride and admiration because they knew they raised a good daughter and they knew their daughter found a good man.
I.
Am.
Happy.
Not because it's what I'm supposed to show to people and not because I'm supposed to be, but because I truly am. I've realized it, but it wasn't until recently that I'm allowing myself to accept it and to know full well that I deserve it. It wasn't until I received his 3-page letter and read my most favorite part in it that I knew he knew it too. He wrote,"I wanted to be perfect, that would be the only way to go when you're trying to get someone who is perfect."
Now you could think of it as you will. You could say it's a line. It's the beginning phase. It's what someone's supposed to write/say at this stage. But this isn't a simple sentence. This isn't someone in a stage dropping a line to impress me. I read it knowing he laid his heart out on the table for me to take. He will support me. He will love me unconditionally. He will stand by me. He will attempt to understand everything about me. He will learn every day about the things he does not quite understand as long as he's learning with me. He will never raise a hand to me unless it's to high-five me on a job well done. He will protect me. He will reach out to me and never cheat on me because he knows what he has is worth more than what he could ever have with anyone. He will try to be better for me because I'm not just "any" woman.
Do you realize how long it's been since I've been able to say that? Feel that? Know that? Sometimes even uttering it now makes me want to roll my eyes and feel terribly guilty that I could admit that. Out loud. For all to hear and see. But I could. And I am. So it's real. Do you see? Me? Of all people. Happy? Yes, that's me.
I.
Am.
Happy.
Lyrics:
"If I Fall"
Swept away
By the wonder of it all
So amazed
Never saw it coming
Left me dazed
And i don't know where to turn
Here and now
Seems I'm standing on the edge
Looking down
I can clearly see your face
In the crowd
Makes me feel I'm not alone
If i fall
If i fall
If i fall
Will you catch me
Seems to me
I'm exactly where i dreamt
I would be
And the view from here is
Something to see
But i need a hand to hold on to
If i fall
If i fall
If i fall
Will you catch me
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/aqualung/ififall.html
http://www.last.fm/music/Aqualung/+images/600078
Over a week has gone by. It started off on an awful note and at one point I almost forgot that there's more to me than the profession that once used to inspire me. I pushed myself to continue to endure it up until the fourth day because on that day, I promised to walk away, clock out and let it go. I packed my bags and left my baggage behind. I sat inside what used to be one of my worst fears and said, "Man up, lady." I pushed up against the window seat and looked out. The plane moved quickly up the runway, but my eyes stayed glued to it until pavement turned into sky.
I knew in less than an hour I'd soon be in what will be my new home. It scares me to think that I'm about to go through such a change and this is why for over six months, I've been hanging onto this ridiculous belief that every experience with any man is the same. I failed to embrace the fact that I no longer had to be with just "any" man. I know I wrote about this before, but it wasn't until this passed Saturday evening that it finally hit me.
I.
Am.
Happy.
It came to me while he sang Karaoke and didn't care who was looking as he sang it to me. It came to me while being surrounded by his family and mine. It came to me when his mom called me, "Anak." It came to me when my mom pulled me up to dance and then wrapped me around him so I could dance with him. It came to me when my parents looked at me with pride and admiration because they knew they raised a good daughter and they knew their daughter found a good man.
I.
Am.
Happy.
Not because it's what I'm supposed to show to people and not because I'm supposed to be, but because I truly am. I've realized it, but it wasn't until recently that I'm allowing myself to accept it and to know full well that I deserve it. It wasn't until I received his 3-page letter and read my most favorite part in it that I knew he knew it too. He wrote,"I wanted to be perfect, that would be the only way to go when you're trying to get someone who is perfect."
Now you could think of it as you will. You could say it's a line. It's the beginning phase. It's what someone's supposed to write/say at this stage. But this isn't a simple sentence. This isn't someone in a stage dropping a line to impress me. I read it knowing he laid his heart out on the table for me to take. He will support me. He will love me unconditionally. He will stand by me. He will attempt to understand everything about me. He will learn every day about the things he does not quite understand as long as he's learning with me. He will never raise a hand to me unless it's to high-five me on a job well done. He will protect me. He will reach out to me and never cheat on me because he knows what he has is worth more than what he could ever have with anyone. He will try to be better for me because I'm not just "any" woman.
Do you realize how long it's been since I've been able to say that? Feel that? Know that? Sometimes even uttering it now makes me want to roll my eyes and feel terribly guilty that I could admit that. Out loud. For all to hear and see. But I could. And I am. So it's real. Do you see? Me? Of all people. Happy? Yes, that's me.
I.
Am.
Happy.
Lyrics:
"If I Fall"
Swept away
By the wonder of it all
So amazed
Never saw it coming
Left me dazed
And i don't know where to turn
Here and now
Seems I'm standing on the edge
Looking down
I can clearly see your face
In the crowd
Makes me feel I'm not alone
If i fallIf i fall
If i fall
Will you catch me
Seems to me
I'm exactly where i dreamt
I would be
And the view from here is
Something to see
But i need a hand to hold on to
If i fall
If i fall
If i fall
Will you catch me
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/aqualung/ififall.html
http://www.last.fm/music/Aqualung/+images/600078
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