"Color My World" - Chicago
I've been thinking about people lately. Relationships, really. This whole process about starting up with someone, getting to know them inside and out and being surrounded by their world and welcoming them into yours. This whole interview of, "What's your favorite?" "Who's your favorite?" and "Why is that your favorite?!" The giddy, first date feeling for the first few months and the nonstop attention you never asked for and always got. When you tried to plan your outfits in advance, but would change it at the last minute and then second-guess yourself right when you step outside of the front door. The talking about them to other people until they're sick of you talking about them, but you continue to talk about them anyway. Then there you are, staring down at yourself from outside of yourself, looking like a foolish idiot you dreaded ever becoming and wondering how you let this genuine infatuation take over you.
The fortunate few of you know what I mean when you're truly in awe of another person. It's like you have all this energy and can stay up just to hear them breathe. When you want to talk even if you're talking about nothing just as long as they're the ones you're talking to. The smiling out of the blue because the euphoria follows you. The day is brighter, isn't it? The people are nicer, aren't they? You just want to befriend everyone. Say hello to strangers. Give a dollar to a panhandler (shoot give them two!). Sleep doesn't matter. Eating doesn't matter. Stress doesn't matter. As long as they're there because the only thing that matters is that they're there with you.
I see those newbies every now and then. I can tell who they are as they walk, attached to the hip, as if they want to skip, so captured in each other's presence that it makes me want to yell, "That sh*t ain't gonna last!" And it never does, does it? Isn't it funny how that happens the moment you start getting used to it? Then you find yourself searching for it, asking for it, needing it when you never needed it before until you realized it's no longer there. We only want it when it's not ours and then when it is, we don't think we need to show how much we want it anymore because it is ours.
Then the giddiness dies down. The errands and real-life bills of every day life come into play and it's no longer about them, is it? Nope. It's about making sure sh*t's taking care of; the sh*t that didn't matter as much as this adrenaline rush once did, is now back to being the priority and you didn't even consciously make that switch, did you? It. Just. Happened. Things just got comfortable, didn't they? The whole, "Oops who needs a bathroom door?!" kinda comfortable. When the only thing you care to wear is the same set of pjs you've always worn because the shirt is loose and soft and the pants is not too binding at the waist. When you may or may not shower that day even though you know they'll be sleeping right next to you that night. When you'd rather watch TV when all the shows suck because you think you know everything there is to know about them so what's the point of having conversations when they're no longer interesting? At least to you...
You sleep when you're tired. Eat when you're hungry and stress like no other has ever stressed you out before! Then you start to reflect about it at that point, don't you? And you start talking sh*t to the same people who couldn't stand hearing about your sh*t just those short months before. Isn't it funny how they don't mind now that you're talking sh*t?! All of a sudden they want to hear it, often times have you repeat it because unlike the good, many of us could relate to the bad. Unfortunately, the unfortunate know what this means all too well and they get a kick out of hearing it from someone else for a change. Then there you are, staring down at yourself from outside of yourself, looking like a foolish idiot you dreaded ever becoming and wondering how you let this genuine infatuation take over you.
Life and love can be quite the characters, huh? Always testing you. Seeing what works and what doesn't. Throwing you for a loop when you least expect it. Letting what you like change to what you don't like and then seeing how well you adapt to it. And no one ever adapts well when the change f#cks you over. It's like those two f#ckers are hiding backstage, safely behind the curtain, waiting for you to miss your lines. Waiting for you to stumble on the stage to the mess they set up for you even though that was their every intention and you're just the foolish idiot that walked right into it, didn't you? Didn't you?! Damn you, life and love! Damn you...
How do you change it back to the way things used to be or do you continue to play the part? Is it supposed to be this trial and error we often find ourselves in? Is it only supposed to be awesome for a limited time so that the not-so-awesome can come at you as if it's been there all along? Or is it a cue for you to quit? All of that just to quit?! Or do you fix it? But how for heaven's sake, do you begin to repair something you didn't even know what you did to break? Then there's the blame game. When the tone of your voice reaches a level you never thought possible and you start arguing about everything! You argue about them not showing you the same kind of affection they once showed you. You argue about the euphoria that now left you. You argue about the strangers you no longer wave to and the panhandlers to give you your money back! Then you wish you could've just recorded it all so you could play it back again some day because you know you will...again. So what do you do?
To be honest, there's no right or wrong answer here. We can go through the motions expecting the best outcomes and still not know what to do to get there. Sometimes we get it and sometimes we don't. It's not set up to always work out in our favor. At times, it can feel like this sh*t is always set up to fail. But there is a sense of security in knowing that the person you're coming home to doesn't need you to be anyone else besides just you. That you can look and feel the grungiest you've ever looked and felt and they will still find you beautiful. That they notice the little things you do without you even noticing they were paying attention to you this whole time. They know how you brush your hair. They know how you wash the dishes. They help you dust off the bed for bugs after watching a silly TV show about bugs. They escort you to pee and turn the lights on because you don't want to walk into a dark room by yourself.
There's that kinda comfort of being able to cut your toenails on the bed, snore in your sleep up to the point of a snort, and having them take care of you even while you're still sitting on the toilet, that makes it pretty damn awesome that the not-so-awesome is no longer embarrassing. You can talk about tummy aches and the "I just can't believe you just told me that?!" moments because you're not afraid that they'll leave you for being imperfect. It's those imperfections, those "uncensored only they'll get to see," details and the ever so popular, flaws that tests whether or not the two of you really should stick it out for better or for worst. And if you do, then the genuine infatuation you started with may just turn into loving someone unconditionally and you're no longer the foolish idiot. You're now the smart one who finally figured it out.
Lyrics:
As time goes on,
I realize
Just what you mean
To me
And now,
Now that you're near,
Promise your love
That I've waited to share
And dreams
Of our moments together
Color my world with hope of loving you
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/chicago/colourmyworld.html
image courtesy of Google
I've been thinking about people lately. Relationships, really. This whole process about starting up with someone, getting to know them inside and out and being surrounded by their world and welcoming them into yours. This whole interview of, "What's your favorite?" "Who's your favorite?" and "Why is that your favorite?!" The giddy, first date feeling for the first few months and the nonstop attention you never asked for and always got. When you tried to plan your outfits in advance, but would change it at the last minute and then second-guess yourself right when you step outside of the front door. The talking about them to other people until they're sick of you talking about them, but you continue to talk about them anyway. Then there you are, staring down at yourself from outside of yourself, looking like a foolish idiot you dreaded ever becoming and wondering how you let this genuine infatuation take over you.
The fortunate few of you know what I mean when you're truly in awe of another person. It's like you have all this energy and can stay up just to hear them breathe. When you want to talk even if you're talking about nothing just as long as they're the ones you're talking to. The smiling out of the blue because the euphoria follows you. The day is brighter, isn't it? The people are nicer, aren't they? You just want to befriend everyone. Say hello to strangers. Give a dollar to a panhandler (shoot give them two!). Sleep doesn't matter. Eating doesn't matter. Stress doesn't matter. As long as they're there because the only thing that matters is that they're there with you.
I see those newbies every now and then. I can tell who they are as they walk, attached to the hip, as if they want to skip, so captured in each other's presence that it makes me want to yell, "That sh*t ain't gonna last!" And it never does, does it? Isn't it funny how that happens the moment you start getting used to it? Then you find yourself searching for it, asking for it, needing it when you never needed it before until you realized it's no longer there. We only want it when it's not ours and then when it is, we don't think we need to show how much we want it anymore because it is ours.
Then the giddiness dies down. The errands and real-life bills of every day life come into play and it's no longer about them, is it? Nope. It's about making sure sh*t's taking care of; the sh*t that didn't matter as much as this adrenaline rush once did, is now back to being the priority and you didn't even consciously make that switch, did you? It. Just. Happened. Things just got comfortable, didn't they? The whole, "Oops who needs a bathroom door?!" kinda comfortable. When the only thing you care to wear is the same set of pjs you've always worn because the shirt is loose and soft and the pants is not too binding at the waist. When you may or may not shower that day even though you know they'll be sleeping right next to you that night. When you'd rather watch TV when all the shows suck because you think you know everything there is to know about them so what's the point of having conversations when they're no longer interesting? At least to you...
You sleep when you're tired. Eat when you're hungry and stress like no other has ever stressed you out before! Then you start to reflect about it at that point, don't you? And you start talking sh*t to the same people who couldn't stand hearing about your sh*t just those short months before. Isn't it funny how they don't mind now that you're talking sh*t?! All of a sudden they want to hear it, often times have you repeat it because unlike the good, many of us could relate to the bad. Unfortunately, the unfortunate know what this means all too well and they get a kick out of hearing it from someone else for a change. Then there you are, staring down at yourself from outside of yourself, looking like a foolish idiot you dreaded ever becoming and wondering how you let this genuine infatuation take over you.
Life and love can be quite the characters, huh? Always testing you. Seeing what works and what doesn't. Throwing you for a loop when you least expect it. Letting what you like change to what you don't like and then seeing how well you adapt to it. And no one ever adapts well when the change f#cks you over. It's like those two f#ckers are hiding backstage, safely behind the curtain, waiting for you to miss your lines. Waiting for you to stumble on the stage to the mess they set up for you even though that was their every intention and you're just the foolish idiot that walked right into it, didn't you? Didn't you?! Damn you, life and love! Damn you...
How do you change it back to the way things used to be or do you continue to play the part? Is it supposed to be this trial and error we often find ourselves in? Is it only supposed to be awesome for a limited time so that the not-so-awesome can come at you as if it's been there all along? Or is it a cue for you to quit? All of that just to quit?! Or do you fix it? But how for heaven's sake, do you begin to repair something you didn't even know what you did to break? Then there's the blame game. When the tone of your voice reaches a level you never thought possible and you start arguing about everything! You argue about them not showing you the same kind of affection they once showed you. You argue about the euphoria that now left you. You argue about the strangers you no longer wave to and the panhandlers to give you your money back! Then you wish you could've just recorded it all so you could play it back again some day because you know you will...again. So what do you do?
To be honest, there's no right or wrong answer here. We can go through the motions expecting the best outcomes and still not know what to do to get there. Sometimes we get it and sometimes we don't. It's not set up to always work out in our favor. At times, it can feel like this sh*t is always set up to fail. But there is a sense of security in knowing that the person you're coming home to doesn't need you to be anyone else besides just you. That you can look and feel the grungiest you've ever looked and felt and they will still find you beautiful. That they notice the little things you do without you even noticing they were paying attention to you this whole time. They know how you brush your hair. They know how you wash the dishes. They help you dust off the bed for bugs after watching a silly TV show about bugs. They escort you to pee and turn the lights on because you don't want to walk into a dark room by yourself.
There's that kinda comfort of being able to cut your toenails on the bed, snore in your sleep up to the point of a snort, and having them take care of you even while you're still sitting on the toilet, that makes it pretty damn awesome that the not-so-awesome is no longer embarrassing. You can talk about tummy aches and the "I just can't believe you just told me that?!" moments because you're not afraid that they'll leave you for being imperfect. It's those imperfections, those "uncensored only they'll get to see," details and the ever so popular, flaws that tests whether or not the two of you really should stick it out for better or for worst. And if you do, then the genuine infatuation you started with may just turn into loving someone unconditionally and you're no longer the foolish idiot. You're now the smart one who finally figured it out.
Lyrics:
As time goes on,I realize
Just what you mean
To me
And now,
Now that you're near,
Promise your love
That I've waited to share
And dreams
Of our moments together
Color my world with hope of loving you
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/chicago/colourmyworld.html
image courtesy of Google
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