"Fix You" - Coldplay
It's been 3 years on the day since... And in that first year in which I thought would be the hardest year, I did more things than I ever thought possible. It all started with getting up out of bed and looking hard into the bathroom mirror. I saw this sad, puffy-eyed lost girl staring back at me. She brushed her teeth like I did. Pressed against her cheeks to calm the swelling down like I did. Pulled her hair back like I did. Washed her face with the same foam scrub that I used every day. But yet I didn't recognize her. She seemed empty and completely disoriented. No matter how cold the water, she didn't feel it. Her face just got hotter. Her flushed cheeks and eyes, even more swollen. It was then that I promised her that she wouldn't look that way for long. Though she'll continue to age, one day she will do so with grace. She will go about this routine until it makes sense to her again; until her face is something she recognizes again. Until someday it will all make sense again.
So, I sat down on my bed and planned out my year. It was a warm, sunny day, but I felt no warmth as I lay there. I kept the curtains closed to block the light and thought long and hard about what I wanted to...what I needed to do just to get through the day. I didn't know how I'd get through it, only that I would get through it somehow.
The first time I can recall being outside of the house in one piece was the night I decided not to go home right away. I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want to just call on some random rebound guy either. I wanted true company. Two of my coworkers (who will later become the two most amazing friends I've made since) wanted to pick up a few things at this outdoor mall and grab a bite to eat. It was a calm night and I figured I can manage some light shopping and an iced tea so I tagged along.
I couldn't help, but stroll down the clothing aisle for men and boys. I even picked out a few things that I thought they might like, until I quickly realized it was no longer my place to do so and they were no longer a "they" I had to call mine. The sudden pain I felt through my chest at that moment was so unbearable I had to sit down for a minute next to a few creepy looking mannequins to recuperate. I almost wanted to stay there until my friends found me. I figured they would eventually, but then I looked at the mirror across from me and remembered my plan. I pulled myself together, got up and walked towards a section I haven't been to in a while...a section for me.
I picked up some shirts and placed them over me to see how they'd look. I didn't feel like trying them on. I did the same with a pair of jeans and shorts...and I rarely wore shorts. I even found a dress that looked promising. I had all of this hanging over my left arm, but after about 15 minutes, I found myself hanging them back at their original places. We went to a few stores in which I proceeded to do the same thing. There was always a reason...an excuse of why I didn't buy something. Like I didn't feel ready to take care of myself. Like I didn't know how.
My friends noticed it, but they wouldn't dare bring the obvious to my attention. They thought of me as a ticking time bomb and felt it best to leave well enough alone before setting me off. They figured that I'd find something soon enough and hoped that I'd turn to them to ask what they thought about it so they can encourage me to get it. I saw them shop around. One with many things because he knew how to spoil himself and the other with nothing because she felt she had everything. Both extremely lucky to know what they have and what they're worth.
This was one of the most difficult things for me to do. To stop thinking it through and just know. But I didn't know what I had nor what I was worth and I felt overwhelmingly sorry for myself standing there like a clueless idiot. The stores were about to close and both my friends were at the cash register going over what the other should and shouldn't buy. With the little time I had left I decided to rummage through some cheap jewelry on the counter. I spun around a display case a few times, but it wasn't until the third spin that I caught a glimpse of a pair of dangling earrings.
It had three stones: a tiny round purple stone on top, a medium olive-green stone in the center and a bright turquoise stone on the bottom. Each one hung gently inside its own circle made up of some inexpensive, copper-colored metal. They sat there in the display case amongst other more fashionable earrings and some even more pricey, but there was something about them that made me forget the others even existed. I picked them up and lay them against my ear. The mirror was tiny, but as I saw them against me I felt something nudge me.
I turned to see both of my friends with goofy smiles.
"So you finally found something!" they said in unison.
I was about to shake my head "no," but I couldn't bring myself to put them back.
"Come on, they're just earrings. You can manage earrings," one said.
I looked at the price. I looked at the design. I looked at everything, but I couldn't find an excuse this time so there was nothing left to do, but walk over to the cashier. She greeted me with a tired smile and held her hand out to take the earrings. At first, I hesitated to give them to her. I didn't need them. I was about to tell her never mind until my friends nudged me once more. I swallowed my stupidity over some silly piece of jewelry and gave them to her.
"Yes, earrings. I can definitely manage that," I reassured myself.
I took a deep breath and placed my new purchase in my bag. It was my very first something that I got and in that tiniest moment with this tiny something for me, I felt a bit of my brokenness slowly fix itself.
Lyrics:
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/coldplay/fixyou.html
http://48-music.blogspot.com/2011/10/coldplay-wallpaper.htmlhttp://vevo.ly/gg0ES0
So, I sat down on my bed and planned out my year. It was a warm, sunny day, but I felt no warmth as I lay there. I kept the curtains closed to block the light and thought long and hard about what I wanted to...what I needed to do just to get through the day. I didn't know how I'd get through it, only that I would get through it somehow.
The first time I can recall being outside of the house in one piece was the night I decided not to go home right away. I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want to just call on some random rebound guy either. I wanted true company. Two of my coworkers (who will later become the two most amazing friends I've made since) wanted to pick up a few things at this outdoor mall and grab a bite to eat. It was a calm night and I figured I can manage some light shopping and an iced tea so I tagged along.
I couldn't help, but stroll down the clothing aisle for men and boys. I even picked out a few things that I thought they might like, until I quickly realized it was no longer my place to do so and they were no longer a "they" I had to call mine. The sudden pain I felt through my chest at that moment was so unbearable I had to sit down for a minute next to a few creepy looking mannequins to recuperate. I almost wanted to stay there until my friends found me. I figured they would eventually, but then I looked at the mirror across from me and remembered my plan. I pulled myself together, got up and walked towards a section I haven't been to in a while...a section for me.
I picked up some shirts and placed them over me to see how they'd look. I didn't feel like trying them on. I did the same with a pair of jeans and shorts...and I rarely wore shorts. I even found a dress that looked promising. I had all of this hanging over my left arm, but after about 15 minutes, I found myself hanging them back at their original places. We went to a few stores in which I proceeded to do the same thing. There was always a reason...an excuse of why I didn't buy something. Like I didn't feel ready to take care of myself. Like I didn't know how.
My friends noticed it, but they wouldn't dare bring the obvious to my attention. They thought of me as a ticking time bomb and felt it best to leave well enough alone before setting me off. They figured that I'd find something soon enough and hoped that I'd turn to them to ask what they thought about it so they can encourage me to get it. I saw them shop around. One with many things because he knew how to spoil himself and the other with nothing because she felt she had everything. Both extremely lucky to know what they have and what they're worth.
This was one of the most difficult things for me to do. To stop thinking it through and just know. But I didn't know what I had nor what I was worth and I felt overwhelmingly sorry for myself standing there like a clueless idiot. The stores were about to close and both my friends were at the cash register going over what the other should and shouldn't buy. With the little time I had left I decided to rummage through some cheap jewelry on the counter. I spun around a display case a few times, but it wasn't until the third spin that I caught a glimpse of a pair of dangling earrings.
It had three stones: a tiny round purple stone on top, a medium olive-green stone in the center and a bright turquoise stone on the bottom. Each one hung gently inside its own circle made up of some inexpensive, copper-colored metal. They sat there in the display case amongst other more fashionable earrings and some even more pricey, but there was something about them that made me forget the others even existed. I picked them up and lay them against my ear. The mirror was tiny, but as I saw them against me I felt something nudge me.
I turned to see both of my friends with goofy smiles.
"So you finally found something!" they said in unison.
I was about to shake my head "no," but I couldn't bring myself to put them back.
"Come on, they're just earrings. You can manage earrings," one said.
I looked at the price. I looked at the design. I looked at everything, but I couldn't find an excuse this time so there was nothing left to do, but walk over to the cashier. She greeted me with a tired smile and held her hand out to take the earrings. At first, I hesitated to give them to her. I didn't need them. I was about to tell her never mind until my friends nudged me once more. I swallowed my stupidity over some silly piece of jewelry and gave them to her.
"Yes, earrings. I can definitely manage that," I reassured myself.
I took a deep breath and placed my new purchase in my bag. It was my very first something that I got and in that tiniest moment with this tiny something for me, I felt a bit of my brokenness slowly fix itself.
Lyrics:
When you try your best, but you don't succeedWhen you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/coldplay/fixyou.html
http://48-music.blogspot.com/2011/10/coldplay-wallpaper.htmlhttp://vevo.ly/gg0ES0
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