A Bed of Songs & Stories

"I'm With You" - Avril Lavigne This song reminds me of fireworks and the Los Angeles river. A decade ago, summer and I had our own little plan. It's a memory only I will remember. Partially because it's a mix of what really happened vs. what I wanted to happen. I did a lot of driving around during that time, mainly because that was the only way I managed to get away. Armed with boba for 2 and 6 CDs locked in the CD changer, I went to you. Through the curved roads and the side streets. Always to you. Along a dirt path with my bright lights on. All for you. I can still smell the weeds as I passed them by. Surrounded by your granola-covered walls and sandalwood incense, it was the first time I realized you can bring the fireworks down to earth and into the home. Yet just like this spectacle, full of vibrant colors and sparkling surprises, it was short-lived and eventually had to come to an end. Lyrics: I'm standing on a bridge I'm waiting in the dark I though

"Last Thing on Your Mind" - Lights The rain feels so refreshing today and as I rolled out of bed a quarter til 1:00P, so do I. I heard nothing for 9-hours straight. No noise, no one getting ready for a new day, not even the rain. For the first time in weeks, I fell into a deep sleep. No early wake-up calls, all of them had to wait. And even through my crazy dreams, I woke up feeling like both my mind and body finally rested. Now I feel at ease, like being lazy is a good thing for me. I left my bed unmade just in case I want to get an early start for tonight... Well, maybe I'll make my bed and just think about it ;-). Lyrics: Don't think too hard If you think it hurts that bad Don't talk about it Don't let it get you down It's only one part Of the story Just let it go Don't let it bring you down now Sing The last thing on your mind The last word on your breath I'll be the one to keep you I'll keep you at your best The last thing on your

"Colorblind" - Counting Crows I originally had a Dave Matthews Band song in my head, but like always I'm bending the rules a little bit and going with what's in my heart. After all, I couldn't follow my last blog with something you didn't like, could I? That just wouldn't fit and this seems to do just that. This song reminds me of the movie Cruel Intentions . It's hard not to think of it. Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe's chemistry was so strong, especially in their steamy love scene with this song playing in the background, that any other memory pales in comparison. I always thought the lyrics were so simple and romantic, but it became even clearer here. There was no doubt about it. I knew instantly that they were a real life couple even before they announced it. Love is obvious. Acting can never really be this good unless two people have genuine feelings for each. Look at Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in The Notebook and Angelina Jolie

"Collide" - Howie Day Hey Palm, thanks for dropping by. Wish you would at least say hi... You know I couldn't be peppy for too long. I blame my head more than my heart. It still likes to play tricks on me. Some nights are harder than others. This is one of those nights. I'm still counting how long it's been since... I still think about everything that has happened and how different things would be now if nothing changed. I know as a person I'm better and, to me that means everything, but it doesn't mean that it's any easier. I lost a lot to gain this one thing back. Even if it is a pretty big thing. I have to admit that I thought the holidays were going to eat me up inside, but surprisingly I didn't miss how it used to be...only the people I used to see. I received one very special Christmas card and read it occasionally. It always makes me smile. Please thank her for me. I'm not going to make this long, but I just want to say that I miss hear

"Breakeven" - The Script I have to get cheesy on you again, Dear Blog. I have to. A dream started it. A show ended it. And I'm feeling a little jittery over it. An image came to mind last night. A man stood in the center of the room where everyone can see. That same man knelt down on one knee. Some had their cameras out because they knew what was about to happen. And there in the palm of his hand sat a tiny, velvet box. So there I am sitting in front of my TV, watching a show I couldn't stomach for years when out walks Chris Medina. An unlikely candidate with curly hair and a flannel shirt. A video clip starts to play to tell his story. The image matched what I just saw in my head the night before: A man kneeling before a woman with a tiny, velvet box in his hand. Oh, America Idol you caught my attention by surprise tonight. For the first time since Season 1, I'm intrigued and I have to say I'm rooting for this ordinary guy from Chicago with a big heart. Plea

"My Goodies" - Ciara feat. Petey Pablo Lol! Of all things to think about...I think about driving to and from a hellish call center off of the 10 freeway. A lot of sh*t went down in that 4-story, black building on the corner of Flair Drive. This is still by far the best job training I ever had. We were a tight-knit group with a Disney-crazy Coordinator and with all the games, partnerships, and laughter I had no idea what I was about to get myself into... In my 3-years, I learned just how far a 5-minute leeway can stretch, how to fine-tune my phone voice to diffuse an irate situation, work multiple computer screens at any given time, get up - run - pee - and come back in 5-seconds flat, answer pages from my peers, decorate a cubicle, fax and find my LOML along the way, cause drama over a few venti caramel frappucinos and a New Orleans photo, and of course fly to China and back! I was given a choice, stay and make a career out of this or leave. Dumb b*tch! I don't do ultima

"Jumpin' Jumpin'" - Destiny's Child I need an emotional jump start. These last few songs (although played out and often too commercialized) really do make me feel good. Some may argue that this is all hype and depicts women as control freaks who like to play twisted mind games. I say, "About freakin' time!" I'm tired of listening to heartbreaks and lying, good-for-nothing bastards who can't seem to do a damn thing right. I'm tired of the whoas, the oh nos, the what the f@$k was I thinkings...Every now and then I like to hear music that makes me dance in my seat and power me up better than any caffeinated drug out there! Sometimes I'm hesitant to admit that I'm into such a genre. Not because I'm ashamed of it, but because I don't want to be judged by my likes. There's a lot more to these songs, but I'm tired of having to justify my playlist to the boys that feel intimidated by the messages they bring. Sometimes it&#

"Gangsta Lovin" - EVE feat. Alicia Keys I haven't heard this song in a minute and it just hit me today as I was taking a stroll down memory lane. I thought to myself, "Whatever happened to that girl who played these songs to boost up her self confidence? Whatever happened to taking a chance at something no matter how great the risk?" Damn, never realized how much I let her go until it all came flooding back. I need to rethink the direction I'm going in life. I need to revisit who I used to be and get her back quick. She's the only one that can handle this sh*t. I want her strut back. I want her flirt back. I want her swagger back. I want it all back. Everything that I shouldn't have given away so easily...back. Lyrics: I just wanna rock you All night long, ohh I wanna rock you I just wanna rock you All night long, ohh Yo, need you to understand me Daddy I ain't ya average baby girl Doin' it dawg, I'm well established I ain't tryin to

"Love Don't Cost A Thing" - Jennifer Lopez Oh this song takes me back to my gray 4-door Sentra and CSULA days. Back to a time of being a full-time student working multiple jobs and still not having enough money to buy lunch on a daily basis. I remember budgeting when I went to the book mart to buy the blue books and scan trons I needed for my next test even though it only cost a few bucks plus change. With whatever I had leftover, I'd grab a few sticks of gum to hold me over until I drove home. I kept my check register close by to monitor every cent that came in and out of my tiny bank account. I always spent more than I had, but fortunately I managed to carry my weight (and foolishly, the weight of a few others) and still stayed afloat all those years. I never asked for charity or expected anyone to care for me. I never claimed just how little I had so I limited myself to whatever means I could afford. Shopping at discount stores, eating cheap take-out or bringing a

"Ain't Too Proud To Beg" - TLC Ok, so this isn't the best audio recording of this song, but unfortunately, the playlist only had just this one available. I could've picked the many other TLC songs that I love, but why this one? Well, if not for obvious reasons, it's because this was their first release into the mainstream. And I have to say, I'm so grateful they came out when they did. They made it fashionable not to be a hoe . They flaunted their sex appeal without having to strip down to nothing. Dressed in baggy pants and XXL t-shirts, they taught young women how to speak up and say what they want: A good man, a free spirit, a strong mind, a warm heart, loyal friends, and not to mention, hot safe sex! Sportin' a condom over her left eye, rapper "Lefteye" (R.I.P.) wasn't afraid to step outside of the box and in your face with the reality in which we live in. And with T-Boz and Chilli singing harmoniously about accepting who we are, lovi

"Two of Hearts" - Stacy Q. I'm going to change the pace a little bit. I'm worn out with the same old sh*t. Let's liven it up with some 80's. I need to feel upbeat and this will definitely do the trick. Lyrics: I-I-I-I-I-I need, I need you I-I-I-I-I-I need, I need you I-I-I-I-I-I need, I need you I never said I wasn't gonna tell nobody no baby but this good lovin' I can't keep it to myself Oh no When we're together it's like hot coals in a fire hot baby my body's burning so come on hear my desire come on, come on two of hearts two hearts that beat as one I need you, I need you two of hearts two hearts that beat as one come on, come on People get jealous cuz we always stay together yeah baby I guess they really want a love like yours and mine together forever I never thought that I could ever be this happy yeah baby my prayers were answered boy you came in the nick of time woah woah woah woah I've got this feeling that you're goin

"Live to Tell" - Madonna Just when you thought you got her figured out, she changes on you. Here she shows you a softer side, one that couldn't do it all. One that can be heartbroken just like you. One that can't have everything her way no matter how hard she tried. She cleaned herself up nicely and took her act down on notch so that you can see some truth to her beauty. It's calming and almost sad that someone so extraordinary can look so ordinary. Yet it brings her down to your level and makes you want to understand her vs. criticize or imitate her. This song was said to have been about lost love; about her failed relationship with Sean Penn. The extreme highs and the sudden lows. The reason she needed to move with the times vs. allowing herself to get lost in it. It was a subtle shock and to me, this was her best transition to date because it felt real. It didn't feel like a gimmick; like she did it on purpose. It felt like she needed to do something drasti

"Dreaming with a Broken Heart" - John Mayer Hey there dear friend. I wish I could make you feel better. I wish you didn't have to get angry, punching the air as if it too can bleed. I wish you didn't have to hurt, but sadly, the pain will sit for a minute and the tears will fall, uncontrollably. When it's quiet, you'll sulk. When you run into a "memory," you'll mourn. You won't have the energy to do much, but soon you'll find the strength to keep busy. I wish I could make you walk away from someone who just doesn't know how to make you happy. You don't have to settle, sweetie. But I'm not going to tell you that there's plenty of fishes in the sea. It's too early to say that sh*t and unfortunately, there's a lot more sharks than fishes. I will say this. I love you, dear friend. You were there for me and believe me it's still hard even if I learned how to wake up without him in my world. I learned how to get up

"Santeria" - Sublime As twisted as this is, I have to admit that this song makes me feel "drunk happy." And considering that I've only been drunk less than a handful of times, I find it amusing that I even remember what this feels like. From the "man-bites-dog" stories I hear the day after my redezvous, I've come to realize that I'm quite the friendly entertainer with a dirty mouth and alcohol is definitely my aphrodisiac. I know I'm more likable and easy-going and once the music stops and my energy runs low, I somehow find my way home, crawl into my soft, warm bed and knock out! It's a good thing that I only drink around those I trust. A rarity indeed. Lyrics: I don't practice Santeria I ain't got no crystal ball Well I had a million dollars but I, I'd spend it all If I could find that heina and that sancho that she'd found Well I'd pop a cap in sancho and I'd slap her down What I really wanna know (my baby) Wha

"Killing in the Name of" - Rage Against the Machine This song riles me up every single time. I can't help it. It's my own personal road rage even when I'm not in the car. It's my release; my fighting music when the only person I'm fighting with is myself. The funny thing is, I ain't even mad right now. I actually had a pretty good Saturday night because I decided to keep the drama at home and go out. I could've easily f@$ked myself over by allowing the guy to get his way again, but this time I thought, "Wait a damn minute... why the hell should I sit and mope? Why the hell should I go over there and deal with it when I really don't have to?!" Then I thought of what my dear friend said a few days ago to me. She said, "Girl, who's supposed to be the catch here? If it's you, then act like it's you. Let them go to you." Huh, never thought of myself as a "catch," but I guess that's why I was doing all of

"Miss Misery" - Elliot Smith This song will always resonate of you. And no, this isn't a compliment. Every now and then I dream of you. Sometimes you're just a passerby and we pay no mind to each other. Most of the time though, you're with me. We would be fighting, crying, yelling... (I'm used to this kind of dream), but within the last month we've been apart, trying to get back together again. And yes, if you're curious, I'm the one initiating how we would work things out for the nth time. It was never you. I didn't want to write about it because it hurt too much to wake up only to realize that this is the reality of it. I didn't want to spend more time thinking about it when it's already effecting my sleep. But this one particular dream I had was definitely a wake up call. We've been broken up for at least a year and said our casual "hellos." We asked about family, friends, and your little one. Everyone was fine, everyon

"Soul Meets Body" - Death Cab for Cutie My office building is haunted. It sits on a lonely hilltop surrounded by trees and a small garden. This is a very quiet and serene environment where in the late 80's and early 90's it provided a safe place to care for those dying of AIDS. Over 1,000 people passed away here and in their memory, plaques align the walls and carved, wooden name plates stand near the bountiful grapefruit and orange trees along the driveway. You can feel a calm presence the minute you walk up the hill. Some of us have witnessed a few unexplainable things happening when we were by ourselves in the building like hurried footsteps in the hallway, running water, and the opening and closing of doors. A few of us have even seen ghostly images. Nothing too aggressive, just an obvious hint that the spirits aren't too far away. We tend to joke around about it like telling scary stories around a campfire vs. taking it too seriously because we don't want

"Ooh Child" - The Five Stairsteps About a week ago I was skipping through the channels when I ran into Boyz N Da Hood . (I thought I owned this movie, but like a few other favorites it's "gone missing." It seems I have to rebuild my collection). It was at the part when the older kids stole the football away from the younger kids. You would think none of them would fight back because they were much smaller, but one did. He got punched in the gut for doing so and almost didn't succeed, but in the end he got their ball back because it meant so much to his brother. This may seem like such an insignificant scene compared to the violence continuously depicted thereafter, but to me it was crucial. The story was about a group of boys growing up in the ghetto, two of which were half-brothers. Although they were surrounded by the same people within a limited environment, they walked two different paths: One with hope and one without. Yet this was a fine line that didn

"Imagine" - John Lennon Someone reminded me today that, "Life's too short." Although I'm well aware of this fact, like many others, I too take this for granted everyday. Yes, I know most of us don't have it all, but we have many things. This someone highlighted this for me quite clearly. It's true that we enjoy the luxuries in life that we rarely think of as a luxury because we're too busy bitching about what we don't have. We forget that most of us have a roof over our heads, a place to sleep at night, a job to go to the next day, food in our bellies, and energy at our fingertips. We can simply hop into our cars and drive where we need to be. We can want something and actually go out and get it. A simple cup of coffee at Starbucks is just minutes away and with a few bucks and a plastic cup it's ours to take and call our own. Yet instead we complain over the house not being big enough, the bed not being soft enough, the job not being good

"Hotel California (LIVE)" - The Eagles I like their original version, believe me I do. I'm usually a person who prefers the originals, but it's this intro that gets me to favor this one every time. Not only does it sound amazing even after the band has been "on vacation" for quite some time, it breathes new life into such an old classic; that in some way it's been reinvented to reflect the band's talent and growth over the years. You can tell by hearing the audience's reaction that they feel it too. The acoustics are so moving that just like the song's message, it draws you in and doesn't let go. You can walk away from it and maybe not even hear it for a while, but on one slow afternoon while having lunch in a small sandwich cafe don't be surprised when it starts to play and pulls you back in again for good. Lyrics: On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air Up ahead in the distance

"Give Me One Reason" - Tracy Chapman Hey you. Ya, you. This song is pretty damn good, ain't it? Well, it's for you. And I gotta say it beats that country bumpkin, knee-slappin', tobacco-chewin', sittin' on a haystack, lovin' music you've been playin'. Ha ha ha! And hey, you like to play around a lot, right? Well, this is my game too. And I want it to be fun, exciting, interesting, unpredictable, full of energy, conversation and good times. I don't want the drama, the "I'll say one thing and do another," the same ol' boring routine, the stresses of everyday life, the "it's not you, it's me" crap that goes along with committing to something too soon. Been there, done that. So you think you can handle that, huh? Well, your move. "Get messy in life. At least you know you're living." - Meryl Streep (Prime) Lyrics: Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around Give me one

"Rock the Boat" - Aaliyah It's when you expect nothing that you get everything...x's 3. Lyrics: Boy you know you make me float Boy you really get me high I feel like I'm on dope Cause you You serve me on a regular Boy we need to tie this rope Before we drift any deeper There now hold me close Boy let's take this overboard now I want you to (Rock the boat) Rock the boat, Rock the boat Rock the boat, Rock the boat (Work it in the middle) Work the middle, Work the middle Work the middle, Work the middle (Change positions for me) Change positions, Do positions Do positions, Do positions (Now stroke it baby) Stroke it for me, Stroke it for me Stroke it for me, Stroke it for me Oh baby I love your stroke Cause you, cause you get me where I'm going In a jury you'll get my vote Cause I believe, I believe you know just what you're doing now Baby now we can coast Just don't get in a hurry That's too slow Go ahead and put that thing in overdrive I wan

"Moments of Love" - Art of Noise I'm still at a loss from last night, but today I was reminded about this beautiful, awe-inspiring instrumental melody. This song would play in the background when the FM radio station 92.3 (when it was formerly known as "The Beat") did their late night, love song dedication hour. The DJ would read letters and poems over this every night. I would listen to it wishing she wouldn't interrupt it with her words. I didn't know the artist or the title and it drove me crazy trying to figure it out with her talking over it. It was a mystery to me. Keep in mind this was before the Internet, before ask.com and Google took over, and before you could take your mobile phone and place it next to the speaker so that it can tell you the song. But I guess I wasn't the only one because as it caught on, so many people called in requesting for it vs. making their own dedication. One night the whole 10+ minute piece blared over the airwave

"I Love You, I'll Kill You" - Enigma This came to mind as I was washing dishes. I think it's from all the late night snacking. It made my tummy hurt so much that I had to take a minute to distract myself from the pain. The cramps almost became too unbearable for me to stand over the kitchen sink. Leave it to indigestion to blast me back to a mixed tape a special someone made for me in the mid-90's. I finished rinsing out the last empty glass and made my way to the computer before this memory slipped away from me. It's hard to remember the title to the one I originally hummed because all I had to go by was a snippet of a melody! I wish there was a way to find a song just by humming it to Google. I search for something I want and end up finding what I never thought I wanted until I got it. Both of these tracks were recorded on a XL II 90-minute, high-quality Maxell cassette tape (this was the expensive kind). Ah, the good ol' days when putting a compilation

"For What It's Worth" - Buffalo Springfield I could've given them good reason for their actions. I could've easily provoked an argument they saw comin' because I'm wired that way and I really don't mind the confrontation. I could've stomped my feet, huffed and puffed and blew this bullsh*t down. I could've...and this morning, I just about had it with it all of it I should've done just that. Then I took a long, hard look at myself in my small, square mirror behind the door. And I said, "You can cause a scene or you can stop, and ask yourself, 'What's it all worth in the end?'" So, I decided to do what I do best when sh*i hits the fan. I cleaned house. I went through an entire storage closet in a matter of minutes and threw out old junk I knew no one would miss. I dragged a big box of it down the hill to the dumpster and never looked back. After such a rush, I took a deep breath, wiped my face and again, glanced at mysel