A Bed of Songs & Stories

I miss you a lot. Most of the time, it saddens me for letting go for as long as I did. The truth is you have my heart. You always listened. You never pushed me away for talking too much. I can make sense... I can spit out nonsense... You were still there. You are here. Limitless. Timeless. Real. Thank you for never really leaving me. Even when I left.

"Say Something" - A Great Big World I deleted two posts in my drafts folder.  Just yesterday afternoon, I started and stopped on this post about three times.  The rain was hard that morning, so much so that the front of my dark blue jeans was soaked from merely walking one full block to work.  I didn't stop for coffee.  I couldn't bring myself to pull into my usual place since so many things right now seem so out of place.  I had a concept for a good story and lost it completely, but this time it was different because I meant to.  I chose instead to be like the rain.  I'll pour as much as possible onto you, Dear Blog and we'll see where I end up. I'm in love with this song.  It's been on repeat and I know I'll never tire from it.  There are a few songs like that with me and they are all sad so I know by default that I'm right with this one.  Everything about it sends a familiar feeling within me to the surface and it's...

"I'll Be There" - The Escape Club It was after midnight on Friday the 13th.  The TV was the only thing that lit the room.  Lately, it's been warm; too warm for this place, but I still kept both layers of blankets on.  I had two pillows on each side of me, something I haven't been able to do on this bed in 6 months.  I don't mind not being able to do it.  I was tired, but my mind was awake.  So although my eyes were heavy, they remained half-opened watching fluorescent images jump from the screen to the ceiling, to the walls and against the beige blinds over the large window. The shadows were distracting and I knew they would keep me occupied from worrying.  I left the sound on low.  I didn't want to mute it completely.  I figured the muffled noise would be the best company as I attempt to dream.  It would be a broken sleep, but sleep nonetheless. 3:34A. It was still dark o...

"Fix You" - Coldplay It's been 3 years on the day since...  And in that first year in which I thought would be the hardest year, I did more things than I ever thought possible.  It all started with getting up out of bed and looking hard into the bathroom mirror.  I saw this sad, puffy-eyed lost girl staring back at me.  She brushed her teeth like I did.  Pressed against her cheeks to calm the swelling down like I did.  Pulled her hair back like I did.  Washed her face with the same foam scrub that I used every day.  But yet I didn't recognize her.  She seemed empty and completely disoriented.  No matter how cold the water, she didn't feel it.  Her face just got hotter.  Her flushed cheeks and eyes, even more swollen.  It was then that I promised her that she wouldn't look that way for long.  Though she'll continue to age, one day she will do so with grace.  She will go about this routine until it makes se...

"Everything has Changed" - Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran This was the song that came to mind.  It took me a few days to wonder why of all songs this song, but I get it now. I hate having one of those dreams when I wake up feeling more exhausted than when I went to bed.  I wake up angry, scared, tired, aggravated, overwhelmed and anxious.  I pinch myself to make sure I'm awake.  It hurts, but not as much as my dream did.  I control my breathing so I don't have a panic attack on top of it and tug at my courage to look around the room for something familiar.  I'm more hopeful when there's light out so that I'm not stuck in the dark unsure of my surroundings.  I do this a couple of times just to be safe.  Then I slowly sit up.  I feel a bit woozy at first so I rarely make an effort to stand up right away.  I often tend to lie back down, press my hands against the cool comforter and exercise my heavy eyelids....

"Color My World" - Chicago I've been thinking about people lately.  Relationships, really.  This whole process about starting up with someone, getting to know them inside and out and being surrounded by their world and welcoming them into yours.  This whole interview of, "What's your favorite?"  "Who's your favorite?" and "Why is that your favorite?!"  The giddy, first date feeling for the first few months and the nonstop attention you never asked for and always got.  When you tried to plan your outfits in advance, but would change it at the last minute and then second-guess yourself right when you step outside of the front door. The talking about them to other people until they're sick of you talking about them, but you continue to talk about them anyway.  Then there you are, staring down at yourself from outside of yourself, looking like a foolish idiot you dreaded ever becoming and wondering how you let this genuine infatuati...