A Bed of Songs & Stories

"Power of Two" - Indigo Girls I was sitting at an almost empty thrift store. It was still early, but the sun disappeared an hour ago. It was not at all busy, but somehow time didn't take long to pass by. Maybe because I was distracted and didn't mind so much that I was out of my element and especially, out of the office. I needed a "break" even though I've only officially been back for a mere 3 days. It felt like a year went by today. Less than 20-minutes before closing a familiar song began to play. It was a little low at first, but I knew instantly what it was because the guitars gave it away. I walked towards the front of the store and sat at one of the worn-out sofas in the corner. It was burnt red with floral pillows and smelled of potpourri. I sank right in and remembered the first time I heard this song. I was 15, a sophomore in high school. My long-distance boyfriend was in Boston somewhere and I was stuck here with no cell phone, no Internet, he...

"Only God Knows Why" - Kid Rock I was searching through my collection of compilations that have piled up over the years. I have a few favorites in the mix, but without a doubt I must admit that the ones my older sister put together have the most powerful impact on me. When she's in a mood to make a CD, her song selection often reflects what she is feeling at the time. I find it amusing that what she pieced together over a decade ago is exactly what I'm going through right now. This song was on a compilation entitled "Mad Crazy 2" and I couldn't have used better words to describe my emotional state at this moment. And no, for the first time in a very long while it has nothing to do with a boy. I hate how things can be easily misunderstood. I hate that even in such simply constructed sentences using basic, everyday words, a small ignorant few often want to over complicate things with their own versions of what they think I mean. To be honest, I never mean ...

"Someone Else" - Radiohead I'm handing something over to you. Take it, but you can't. Take the damn thing cuz it's staring you right in the face. See it?! But you can't. It's not everyday perfection lies in front of you. So you step back. It's not everyday you get more than 9 lives, but you risk it anyway. It's not everyday you get chances to the nth degree, but you don't know what to do with it or so it seems...so you turn the other way. You can't...so you don't. This song is it in a nutshell so I'm going to follow it. I promised myself to do less, not more. I want a fight. I want effort. Yet I don't always do what I say. I'm still giving more of me than what you're worth. No one deserves it all and trust me, that's not one I'm offering. It may seem like it since I'm making it very obvious how uncomplicated I can be when I want something. Yet I only want just one thing. Boys are so predictable in nature. The...

"No One's Gonna Love You" - Band of Horses I'm at work, but not in work mode. How can I be a day after Thanksgiving? I should be out shopping or at home sleeping. Anywhere, but here...But here I am. So let me tell you another story. This song revisited me last night. I was driving home on the 605 freeway when it decided to say, "Hello." My heart ached, but I let it play. I remembered you saying how you're paying more and more attention to lyrics now that you have more time on your hands. I guess the little things start to show more value when the big things are no longer in the way for us to take advantage of them. So there I was, alone in my car, listening for a change. It was too dark to see the mountains ahead, but the moon was blinding. It sat so low that I swear I could touch it if I drove close enough. It was a little lopsided so I knew it wasn't full, but after 2 dinners I sure was. I wish I could say the same for my heart. There was absolute...

"Thank You" - Dido Thank you for my beautiful family because this day would be torturous without them. Lyrics: My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad I drank too much last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain I missed the bus and there'll be hell today, I'm late for work again And even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the day And then you call me and it's not so bad, it's not so bad and I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life Push the door, I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and through Then you hand me a towel and all I see is you And even if my house falls down, I wouldn't have a clue Because you're...

"Bound to You" - Christina Aguilera (Burlesque Soundtrack) I watched the movie Burlesque tonight. I wasn't expecting much. After all, it's rare that a pop star transitions well as an actress on the big screen. But I do love my musicals and after the last couple of weeks, a gal could sure use a few sultry numbers to make her feel right again. Was it corny? Absolutely. No Oscars on acting to give away here. But don't get me wrong, I actually enjoyed most of what I saw. I will definitely not look at Famous Amos cookies the same way again. Although it was no Chicago and Christina was no Renee Zellweger up there on the stage, she did carry her own. Overall, it proved to be entertaining. I do love my musicals and maybe not many may agree with me on this and that's fine. Word of advice: just go into it with an open mind and just watch it for what it is. The story is average and the dialogue, rehearsed just as much as the their song and dance. Yet why I love this gen...

"I've Had the Time of My Life" - Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes And the winner is...Jennifer Grey! "Nobody puts Baby in a corner," and the new Dancing With the Stars champion made that very clear tonight! I'll have to admit that I was pretty biased from the beginning. The minute they announced the Dirty Dancing star, I knew that as long as she showed the same energy, enthusiasm and determination to compete as she did in the film, she'd be the one taking the trophy home. I was so sure of it I didn't even follow the show until the whole controversy came out that the show was rigged *cough* Bristol *cough*. There was no denying that Jennifer outdid all the others and the greatest thing of all was that she didn't brag about it. She didn't have to. All she had to do was dance! What I love about Jennifer was that she didn't just do Baby all over again. She did it better! She took on new challenges and played new roles, and like her characte...

"Warning Sign" - Coldplay So I bit first. So what? I give myself credit for doing so. It took a lot in me to hear the ringing on the other end (even if at first that's the only thing I heard). You trip me out. I said give me a sign. A simple "hello" or even an "I'm still reading" would've been enough, but you're much too clever for that. You had to take it there. Ya, I know there was no hidden agenda behind your one-liner. Of course I know... It's just the lyrics are so fitting, ya know? And even though I haven't been able to stomach Coldplay for a while for very obvious reasons, I sat and listened to this entire song and it made me want to reach out to you. I blame the music. I forgot how beautiful this song was. I blame them. His voice is so overwhelming and powerful it makes my heart remember how to beat. I blame you. But not necessarily in a bad way. I find it funny that we still call each other pet names when we talk ever-so-c...

"If Only" - Tiffany This holiday season is going to be harder than I ever imagined it would be. Not because I'm technically alone, but because I never thought I'd be here again. And ya, it's not difficult to find a temporary someone, a warm body to fill the void. I realized just how easy early on. But it's definitely not the same. You can be near someone, hold their hands, even kiss them. You can let them into you physically, but they'll never be what you expect them to be emotionally. The feeling of euphoria... the butterflies in my stomach from a single glance can only go so far. The feeling of nostalgia from flirting with an ex because I can and no one has any ties on me to tell me otherwise, can take me to a such a high point and bring me down just as quickly. Guess that's why an ex is an ex in the first place. So, no I probably won't take the offer after all. I doubt it's still on the table for me to take anyway. The problem is I need my...

"Home Ain't Where His Heart Is" - Shania Twain It's been a busy week. It was hard to get up early on this rainy Saturday morning to go to work, but I had to do it. I had to do a lot of things regardless of what I wanted. What a dramatic change of pace from a mere week ago. I've been moving so rapidly during these last 6 days that of course in the process, shit inevitably happens. The good thing is it's been manageable and I've been so exhausted by the time I get into bed that falling asleep no longer takes ions to do. The tough thing is that every night since I came back from NC I've been dreaming of you. Or should I refer to this as a nightmare now that I no longer have you? Ugh...the sting of LA just won't quit. It hurts just as much as this canker sore I got way in the back of my inner cheek. Ugh... Even if you're not curious, I'll tell you anyway. The first night my dream took such a toll on me beyond what I ever thought a dream ever co...

"We've Got Tonight" - Bob Seger I've been debating something, Dear Blog. A proposal if you will that was thrown at me quite unexpectedly, except without a ring. A last request I had made on a foggy September night that did not get fulfilled is now being offered to me by someone else entirely. This is something that will never lead to anything more than what it is. Both parties have thought this through and have yet to act on it for many reasons. But this is in no way a consolation prize. Actually, I'm extremely flattered by the attention. I've forgotten how good it feels to feel this way. I feel confident to move forward. Too confident it may seem to others, yet I'm not afraid of the outcome. So what am I arguing to myself about if I sound so sure with my response? The fact that this has been a thought for some time now. The fact that such a thought can be disappointingly altered once it becomes real. The fact that no matter how I say it won't change t...

"What A Wonderful World" - Louis Armstrong I'm appreciating the simple things this week has to offer. A late start in the morning and an early end in the afternoon. My beautiful, gray Coach bag with plenty of pockets to carry everything I need. My prescription sunglasses that block the brightness as I exit out of the red walls of the Disney Concert Hall. Everyday the sun is up and the air stays cool. A subtle breeze during my 15-minute walk up Grand Ave. and down Temple St. My newly-revised iPod full of Country and old songs I forgot I loved so much. Songs that remind me of me and a moment in time before what's making this time close to unbearable. Songs that never make me feel lonely. Long lunch hours at the peaceful courtyard of the Cathedral. An especially friendly and upbeat staff member at the cafe that makes even the most mundane job extra special by serving it with a smile. Even more so that he recognized me today after only having met me briefly once before. F...

"Everybody Hurts" - REM I thought for sure I learned how to do mornings, take naps, and sleep at a decent hour. You'd think that after being thrown back in time 3-4 hours (due to travelling and of course, falling backwards) that it'd help my energy level find a balance that most would consider normal. You'd think that after being drained from the long walks through downtown LA, the tedious demands of jury duty, and the overwhelming inbox of my work email and phone that I'd want to take the extra time to unwind. But all it's doing is making my tummy hurt. So I'm up. I'm awake, in pain, and in front of my dear computer. I'm back to what I consider my normal so I guess it's true what they say: Old habits really do die hard. So I'll do what I always do. I'll stay up late, listen to music, blog, bitch, drink coffee, eat chili and regret it later... but on top of that, I'll also try to do more of what I lacked before. I'll read ...

"Wishing on Another Lucky Star" - Acapella version performed by Shea Adamson played by Jennifer Rubin as "Lauren" My week long journey of peace and quiet has come to an abrupt end. A 5-hour flight later, I found myself back in the crazy city where traffic is the norm, trees are scarce and the air is full of smog. Where no matter where you are, someone is upset over something and nobody says "hi" to you if they don't know you well enough to like you. It's a world I'm used to, where time goes by fast and there's too much to do and none of it would be considered "fun." This became very clear to me sitting in a crowded room full of strangers in jury duty today. I felt like I was stuck in a cattle call waiting for my final trip to the slaughter house. They packed us all in and kept us there, stuck in one place, all damn day. Everyone looked tired, irritated, and extremely impatient. I couldn't help, but look around the room at a s...

"So Far Away" - Carole King 11/08/10 I made it on the plane through 4 1/2 hours of turbulence! I almost threw up the mini pack of pretzels and sprite I ate all over a cute college boy to my right. Luckily, I learned how to control it. Now I'm here in NC enjoying my time with my bff and her family. They welcomed me in this 32-degree, frost-bitten weather with open arms after having to chisel their way through the cold. 3 bright-eyed kids jumped at me as soon as I walked in the door at 6:30AM (this is 3:30AM to us LA-ers). A cup of freshly brewed coffee with french vanilla creamer and 2 1/2 baked cinnamon rolls later, I found myself surrounded by the warmth and comfort of home. 11/14/10 My bags are packed and I'm ready to go...sigh... It was hard to leave this evening. Even harder to see my bff behind the gate as I went passed it to the other side. She used to be down the street and now she's on the other end of the map. How easily we take the little things for...

"Stronger" - Britney Spears My head hurts. In a few hours I'll be flying high up in a plane all by my lonesome. I hate that feeling when I think I'm gonna forget something even though I double-checked all my checklists and most likely over packed than anything else. My dad even bought me a durable carry-on bag so I can squeeze more stuff in and believe me, I did. Thank goodness for "falling back" with time. I need an extra hour to catch my breath and mentally prepare myself for what lies ahead. I'm looking at this as leaving the past behind me and hopefully coming back with a fresh, clean slate. I've been too focused on moving backwards because it's what I know and what I'm used to. But I realize now more than ever that what I know is not what I want. There's so much out there and I just need an opportunity to go out and find it. This is my first step to a better tomorrow and a much stronger me. Lyrics: Hush, just stop There’s nothing you...

"Already Gone" - Kelly Clarkson I'm beyond irritated at the moment, but the surprising thing is I'm not showing it. In the midst of packing for weather I'm not at all prepared for, I realized that I needed my "Mama" t-shirt for the Memory Walk tomorrow. It's Laker-purple with a big beautiful picture of my beloved grandmother on the back. I wore it for the first time last year and haven't worn it since. I turned it inside out, washed it and hung it up on the far left-hand side of my itty-bitty closet. I never thought to check twice until today when I noticed it was missing. I looked everywhere and pretty much had to rearrange my entire closet and drawer space. I pulled out boxes I haven't looked through since the day I moved back home. I checked in places I knew a t-shirt wouldn't be in and being that it's hard to miss, it pissed me off even more that it was nowhere to be found. I even broke my shoe cabinet trying to peer over to the v...

"The Reason" - Hoobastank This song is a trip. I remember a lot of my past when I hear it. I remember the late night drive to WalMart in Pomona just to buy this CD. This was after Napster and before iPods when the only real way to get the music you want in the quality you want to hear it in was to go out and buy it. I remember how late it was because I used to work until 2:00am, but I wanted to hear this song so badly I just had to get it. It was a foggy night when fog used to happen in November. I dragged my then bf out of bed and made him drive me ever-so-cautiously up the 210 freeway. He was ok with it because he liked the song too and would pretty much do anything for me if I asked nicely. Plus, he wasn't working then and knew that when we got back to his apartment he could sleep in all day the next day (that is, if I wasn't snoring next to him). Sigh, I knew that relationship wouldn't work when we just couldn't sleep next to each other. I also think abou...

"Tom's Diner" - Suzanne Vega I wanted to write about this song, but it always seemed out of place. But considering that's how I've been feeling lately, I guess now it's only fitting to finally squish it in. The lyrics don't have much of a point. It's basically an on-going ramble of a woman observing people and things as she sits alone in a cafe, but by doing so she is actually attempting to distract herself from something hard to forget. On another note, this song plays during the introduction of one of my favorite romantic films, Untamed Heart so I often think of running in the snow and getting ready in a hurry. Oh, and not to mention a diner ;). I would ,however, never wash my armpits over the bathroom sink and call that "clean!" Marisa Tomei is an emotional wreck, falling for the wrong kind of men and not realizing it until they leave her. Yet, she keeps on trying hoping that one day someone would find her. Enter Christian Slater. I absolu...

"Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen So, I went to the doctor this morning for my annual physical for work and here's what they had to report: My vision is beyond blurry I shrank about 1.5 inches My heartbeat is still irregular And now my pulse is very faint So, my response? "Tell me something I don't know, Doc." I wrote about this whole hoopla before and bitched about the fact that they couldn't find sh*t and left me with, "Well, you're still under 30 so...I guess it'll work itself out." Hmmm...so if nothing gets better with age then what? Then panic?! Sigh...So, forget bitchin' about the same bullsh*t twice. I decided to do nothing about it and just live my life! The remainder of this year and all of next will be dedicated to me, dammit. I'm going to be selfish and do what makes me happy. It started with a couple of concerts and a last minute getaway to one of my favorite places, San Francisco. Then off to N. Carolina to visit a part o...

"Angel" - Sarah McLachlan I don't know if I'll ever be able to thank you enough for all you've done for me... Your help and support have meant so much - just knowing that you care made a difficult time easier, and I'll be forever grateful for your thoughtfulness. Thank you for so much more than I can ever thank you. For believing in me and for making me feel like a part of the family. For trusting me with your son, grandson and granddaughter. For your love and genuine care for all that I've put my heart and soul into for the last 5 1/2 years. It meant the world to me. It always will. I've wanted to call you, but it's still hard to believe. I just wanted you to know that I understand why he did what he did. We haven't been happy, not necessarily with each other, but with ourselves. And although it may seem like we're giving up, we're not. It'll take me a while, but eventually I'll see he made the best decision for the both of us...

"Reflection" - Lea Salonga Tonight just felt like a good night to stay home. Funny, the first month I couldn't even sit still. I had to do something, anything just to avoid it. But now as I approach the third month, I'm beginning to feel a little bit like myself: wanting to stay home and cozy up to a good ol' DVD that no "boy" would appreciate. But...for the first time my lil' sis didn't want to watch the usual Disney Princesses. She said we've played them out, especially recently. I know, I know, but a girl can dream that this sh*t can exist in real life, can't they? Ok maybe not, but I wanted to be stuck in that dream! But nooooo, she was trying to get me to watch one of the Pixars, but I wasn't in the mood for them. So, we had to negotiate and finally settled on Mulan . Mulan is technically one of the "princesses," but she's really not part of any royal family. She often got into trouble especially when she tried too ...