A Bed of Songs & Stories

"Zombie" - The Cranberries Imagine your house was about to be attacked by zombies. Imagine where you'd be in the house. What would you do? Where would you go? How would you escape... I think about this scenario a lot when I feel lost, confused, and alone. I've only shared this with one other person other than my sisters, but it's never been a secret. I just didn't want to sound crazy to people! I find it amusing to put myself in difficult situations in my mind to see how I would get out of it. Movies tend to do that to me, hence why I'm no fan of scary movies. I look into it too much so it often has a "real" effect on me that I can't shake off easily. I'd rather not let my imagination run as wild as it can because I have to admit the f@cker sure can run! Ok, so back to the escape route. My house isn't very big and unfortunately, the walls are thin and most of the windows are big and inviting. Obviously, not the most ideal space for th...

"Waiting For The End" - Linkin Park It took one month, 1 week, 2 days, 11 hours, and 40 minutes for this song to finally sink in deep enough to not make me cry. I consider this progress even though it's painful. I consider myself progressing even though a part of me has been slowly dying since the night we drove through the crowded streets of Hollywood. There were so many people, so many things to see, but the only thing I noticed, sitting in the passenger seat, listening to Chester's voice and the lyrics that almost killed me, was that everything I knew for sure no longer held any certainty for me. Since then it's been one foot in front of the other. One day ahead of another. And on and on I go. Lyrics: This is not the end This is not the beginning, Just a voice like a riot Rocking every revision But you listen to the tone And the violet rhythm Though the words sound steady Something empties within 'em We say Yeah! With fists flying up in the air Like we...

"I Miss You" - Blink 182 Twenty-two minutes after midnight and after an exhausting day, I'm still awake. I know you're sound asleep. It must be nice to sleep when everyone else's is sleeping, but unlike the rest of the world I lose all sense of time. Things come at me so fast that I can't waste my energy letting it get sucked into a dream, only to risk the possibility of the details leaving me by morning. Although this is rare, I hate to chance it. So I let the night drag on and drain me onto you for as long as I can bare it. What an unexpected, unplanned turn of events, wouldn't you say? Logic was thrown out the window and a simple "I Miss You" was thrown in. And for once, I'm not trying to reason with it. What's the point in putting too much thought into anything when all it gets me is hurt in the end? I'm f@ckin' tired of getting hurt. I have to admit that it's been a while since I was able to walk away from a twi...

"Searchin' My Soul" - Vonda Shepard (Alley McBeal opening theme music) Tonight, I decided to go on a date and actually do what I wanna do and eat what I wanna eat. I decided to make my own decisions and not worry about being on someone else's time or who'll pick up the tab and what to do after. To prepare myself for such a special event, I took a long, hot shower. I twirled my wet hair in a towel and slapped some chapstick on. I didn't care about what to wear so I pulled out some warm jammies from the night before and tucked my feet into a pair of fuzzy socks. Yup, you could say I was just about ready. I placed two pillows firmly against the wall and curled up with my red, newly-washed, Betty Boop blanket. Armed with one remote control for the TV and the other for the DVD player, I aimed and pressed play. Ally McBeal Season 1, 3 discs down, 3 more to go. I forgot how nice it could be just to be with me. Lyrics: I've been down this road Walking the line t...

"Your House" - Alanis Morissette I felt a sudden rush of sadness around lunch time today. I didn't know where it came from, but it made my heart hurt. I didn't realize the impact it had on me until I was walking down the hall to grab a fax. I apparently wore it well on my sleeve and everyone noticed. One of my biggest pet peeves is being asked, "Are you ok?" when obviously, I'm not. To avoid snapping for no reason, I stayed in my office and shut the door, nice and tight. I don't have time for this. I was swamped with work and it's one thing to sit and do nothing, but dwell. But it's an annoying other to do it on a busy day like a freakin' Monday after a 5-day training. I just couldn't function so I definitely needed a moment to collect myself. What bugs is that I really can't explain where the feelings came from. I mean, I just had lunch and came back to my desk (this is the very reason why I often leave the confines of my worksp...

"Cry" - Rihanna I've been doing well...in case you're wondering. It helps to try to forget you, but I have too good of a memory to ignore it all just yet. I remember the softest part of your body was the top part of your feet, but everything else was pretty rugged. You were always so self-cautious about evening out the edges. I used to watch your mouth move as you chew your food. You'd squint and look up when you were in deep thought and scratch your scalp back and forth when you couldn't figure something out (or when your head itched). I can tell when you laughed to be polite or when you really actually laughed out loud. I remember your ticklish spots and how you could never lose. I remember your "randomness," how you ironed your clothes (and mine), and you never quite figured out how to make my bed, any bed for that matter. I remember your lack of attention to detail with everything except sports. How you were able to tackle on every type of media ...

"One Moment in Time" - Whitney Houston I think of my family, specifically the strong women that make up the majority of it, when I hear this song. My mother, my sisters, my cousins, my aunts, and my belated grandmother. This overall stereotype that exists from culture to culture that deems women to have very little choices, taking on a more submissive role and keeping quiet when they should speak up, does not apply to us. Though some of us were taught how to cook, it was looked at as a talent vs. a mandatory skill we had to learn. And even though some stay home to raise their own family, this too, was a choice that we view as an achievement vs. an assignment. Family is precious. Though we bicker and often nag, we know the truth is we are the reason that makes us who we are. We pride ourselves not only in our size, but also our impact on each other. We work hard to get what we want in life. We are perfectionists. We don't know how to settle for less. We push on ...

"I Never Said That" - Voxhaul Broadcast 3 hours, some minutes, and counting. As a belated birthday present, my sisters and I along with my uber-excited brother in-law will take on our very first Red Carpet experience at The Avalon in Hollywood. In celebration of LA's Fashion Week, Project Ethos (www.projectethos.com) will be hosting an event filled with fashion, music, and art. Since this is all of our "first times," we know not to raise our standards quite yet. We know that often times we may be in for a surprise, good or bad we've yet to determine. So, for now all we know is to keep an open mind, expect craziness, and look extremely beautiful doing so. This band will be featured at the infamous old-theatre-turned-nightclub on the corner of Hollywood and Vine. Deemed by LA Time's magazine as one of LA's "Best New Indie Bands," this innovative quartet takes on various musical influences from James Brown to The Beatles. I've heard a few...

"I Want It That Way" - Backstreet Boys Boy bands = a group of guys singing and dancing their way into my heart. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Even after all these years, I still go wild like a crazy pre-teen when I see them perform. I love the fascination of it all. The crazy fans singing along while they bump and grind their junks on stage. The deafening screams and fainting spells. The overly-priced merchandise because a stock photograph of a favorite band member's face is plastered on the front. I love the corny songs and sentimental lyrics even though I know it was written by someone else stuck in a studio somewhere. But it's hard to recognize this truth when you see 5 handsome guys, dressed to impress, holding microphones and spewing out romantic serenades one after the other... it's hard not to buy into what I know is just a fantasy. So, I simply surrender to it because it's just a lot more fun this way and what's the harm in that ;)? The first co...

"I Hope You Dance" - Leann Womack I was standing at a crossroads in my life. I could either continue on the same path that will eventually lead to failure or attempt to finish something that would leave me unsure of my own self-worth. I initially figured things would work itself out, but knew as time ticked on that it was really up to me. For the first time, I knew I couldn't just stick it out. I was craving for change and needed distance to realize it. So when my sis offered me a place to collect my thoughts, I packed up a few bags in my gray Sentra and headed north to a naval base out in the middle of nowhere. I was only going to be gone for a short while, but being in a pretty secluded environment was definitely a change of pace from the craziness of the city. I wasn't even sure what I'd find out there, but whatever it was I was hoping that somehow it'd give me some sense of clarity on what choice I should make. I didn't know what to expect, but I did k...

I absolutely love the rain. I just wish I could play hookie all day to enjoy it. I'd leave my curtains open and stay in bed all day to watch it pour. I'd bury myself in my covers and never come out. Music would definitely be playing in the background. Then after a few long hours pass by, I'd blog to keep my blood flowing, pop in a few DVDs and consume story after story because I can and time has no purpose, but to let me.

"No Rain" - Blind Melon This song reminds me of standing in a grocery store parking lot with my old best friend. It was sprinkling, but we didn't care. Our school wanted to raise funds and made a deal with a chain of grocery stores to match their donation to whatever their customers' spent within a given time frame. Seemed easy enough, but it was a challenge because in order to do so, customers must be willing to surrender their receipts at the time of purchase to someone who'd be willing enough to walk up to them and ask for it. We were that someone and on that fateful night, we collected bags upon bags of receipts. And as the rain kept coming down, we just stood there, clutching onto a single umbrella, singing this song to keep warm. We were determined like little helper bees on a mission. Maybe they thought we were just some crazy kids with nothing better to do, but the great part about it was that we set out to do something and didn't quit until it was d...

"Too Late to Apologize" - One Republic Hello, how have you been? I'm better. Not perfect, but what is nowadays? Still moping around, I see... Actually, no. Just living life at my own pace. Getting used to it? Never knew what it really felt like to get used to it. Liking it? Ups, downs, all around, but I guess that goes without saying. True, true. And you? You know me, I do what I do. Ya, I knew you'd say that. Ha, ha... um I miss you... Ya, I knew you'd say that too. Oh. ...miss you too. ...I know and well, I really am sorry for everything. Lyrics: I'm holding on your rope Got me ten feet off the ground And I'm hearing what you say But I just can't make a sound You tell me that you need me Then you go and cut me down, but wait You tell me that you're sorry Didn't think I'd turn around and say That it's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late I'd take another chance, take a fa...

"If I Were A Boy" - Beyonce I've been wanting to write a song from her, but avoided it because I thought I couldn't find one that really fit me. Ya, maybe Single Ladies , but it's a little too upbeat for me right now. I was driving my usual route home, looking down at my very dead IPOD and skimming through radio stations with no luck. I'm getting ready to possibly be away from my computer this weekend and knew that I had to put something, anything down before I take a break from everything. So, I turned on my computer, hearing the soft hum of it starting up. I pulled up my chair and tapped on my keyboard, logging onto you, my faithful blog and my ever-changing play list and this is what it found for me. At first, I thought, "Nah, I've tried this before and just wasn't feeling it." It's a little too dramatic for my usual taste and so I kept on clicking through other songs. I played 'em, but kept moving on. I selected different genres, ...

"Never Knew I Needed You" - NeYo I logged on this afternoon, still feeling sick. I was at a lost with so many songs and when I found one, I didn't know what to write. And when I knew what to write about, I couldn't find a song that fit. So, I logged off and plopped on my living room sofa to unwind. There I was, flippin' through the channels without really looking for anything to watch and then as if it were planned all along, Disney's The Princess and the Frog came on just in the nick of time. I never thought I'd like this film. I really had no interest in watching it at all. But when I was lying in my bed this passed Saturday, after a full day of cleaning and dusting, I decided to give it a try. Surprisingly, I related to it, but had to turn it off too soon to set up for a last minute party. Since then I've been checking to see when it would play again...(please, please, please) but day after day it never popped up. I find it amusing that when I fina...

"I'm Not Sleeping" - Tiffany feat. Krayzie Bone I was running helplessly through narrow hallways trying to find an open door; a safe place, but all the doors were shut tight. Whenever someone would approach a door and turn the knob, they'd walk in...easily. But when I tried to do the same, nothing happened. I curled up waiting and watching others walk by me without even noticing I was there. And that's when I saw him. In the midst of a celebration of some kind. He was dressed in black slacks and a deep, sky-blue, long-sleeve, button-up, hootin' and hollerin' with the rest of 'em, beer in hand. A group of guys noticed me approaching them and intentionally blocked me from his view. They kept chanting, "Congrats, D!" And all I kept thinking was why he would go by a different name. So I followed them. Finally, one guy noticed me and pointed me out for him to see. He grabbed a few napkins and started doodling something and motioned to the guy to ...

I'm sick, dear blog. I knew this would happen. It always happens at the most inconvenient time and now I have just today to piece myself back together again. Take meds. Drink fluids. Bed rest. And when I peer through my window to the bright, blue skies and calm weather it pisses me off! There goes the day that's passing me by and here I am stuck, bored and of course, home alone.

"Superwoman" - Paulini I wanted to go to bed early tonight. My DVDs kept skipping and there wasn't anything good on TV. I didn't want to write because nothing was coming to mind and I hate having to sit in front of my computer with a blank slate. It's tiring and can often come off forced. And to top it off, the back of my throat is a little itchy, which only means that I'm coming down with something. So, why through all this mess did I decide to stay up once again to stare at my bright screen in an attempt to write? All the tossing and turning and soon-to-be sickness I'm going to have to suffer through made me think of this old 80's song, originally sang by Karyn White. But let me tell you why... I remember very vividly the last time I got extremely sick. It was right around this time, about a year ago and a week or so before a big training (which coincidentally enough I'm facilitating the same training next week). I was away from home for 5 full ...

"What Hurts the Most" - Rascal Flatts How I wish I could've seen them play. This weekend would've been so perfect if only things worked out as planned. But...they never really do, do they? I can't help, but think that out of all the events that happened in the last half a decade, after all the "experiences" and hard-to-get tickets, after all the things that could've gone wrong, but didn't...the one and only event that would've been just for me, just couldn't happen, could it? Although the gesture was thoughtful and the intentions, sincere...timing was everything. It just so happened that the singer got sick. It just so happened that the venue was outside so they didn't want to take any chances. And it just so happened that their rescheduled event date is when I'll be somewhere else, somewhere far, somewhere where I just can't be in two places at the same time. This is what hurts the most. I was so close, but with everything th...

"Silent All These Years" - Tori Amos I'm exhausted, but still awake. Overwhelmed, but restless. I'm a sleep-walking contradiction, craving junk food at almost 3AM. I think I hear an owl outside my window. Or is that my stomach? I already wrote in you, but for some reason I'm not satisfied and yet I don't know what I want to write. I do know that my girl Tori had to come out and shine today even though there's still a few hours until the sun comes up and many more opportunities set at a decent hour to do them in. But she's persistent and I'm too tired to be stubborn for once. It's gonna be a lazy Sunday, but my mind is racing. I'm caught in too much thought. I miss long conversations of getting to know someone who really wants to know me. I miss pleasant surprises and a real moment to capture a memory. I haven't made a good one in a while and wouldn't mind it so much to try again. Lyrics: excuse me but can i be you for a whi...

"Enjoy the Silence" - Depeche Mode They say this date only comes once every hundred years. So, I'll spend this in silence. I'll slow it down just a little. Take a breather from so much fuss. Shower quickly and not worry about a bath. Forget to brush my hair. Forget to wear any make-up, even my eyebrows will be untouched. I'll pick something comfortable to cover me. Make sure it's gray. I won't weigh myself down with jewelry, fragrance, effort and you. I'll be safe in my own little world. Where promises are kept and words hold meaning. Where trust is real and communication is open. Where if it's said, it'll be done and often times, I get to enjoy not having to do everything. All I want to do is stay in, be still and sleep. Shhhh... Lyrics: Words like violence break the silence Come crashing in into my little world Painful to me, pierce right through me Can't you understand, oh my little girl? All I ever wanted, all I ever ne...

"Anything, Anything" - Dramarama I'm pissed the f@ck off right about now. I wanna hit something and I wanna hit it hard! I wanna pick and choose an ex and break their hearts as much as they broke mine. I wanna take their empty promises, half-ass apologies, bullsh*t "It's not you, it's me's" and "I love you's" and ball 'em up together and dump it down a garbage disposal. I wanna take their written words, greeting cards, pictures of moments soon to be forgotten and light 'em up! I wanna be a Tangerine and erase these f@ckin' memories. I wanna take all these "It'll be alright's" and "It'll get better with time's" and shove it down peoples' throats. I wanna throw up. I wanna fall asleep forever. I wanna scream until my own shrill makes me deaf. I wanna kick and punch and draw blood. I wanna fight. I wanna cry (something I seem to do so f@ckin' well). I wanna vent, but to ...

"In the End" - Linkin Park I took a warm, relaxing bath in excruciatingly hot water and managed to give myself a fever. I tried to unwind and screwed it up completely. Go f@ckin' figure. I had a night planned out for me and instead it turned to sh*t. I should've taken an alternate route after work to give myself something to do other than mope around the house. I could've went to Best Buy or Target and browsed around for stuff I didn't need and buy them anyway. I would've gone to the movies with my one, free ticket to get lost in someone else's drama, but I never go anywhere alone. I should've gone out with my girls, but I was lazy. I could've visited a nearby Starbucks for a venti caramel machiato, but I had my fill and didn't want to go there again. I should've left Facebook alone. I should've just stayed on my page, but I let curiosity get the best of me. I should've just left it to one pic and not clicked on the rest. I coul...

"God Only Knows" - The Beach Boys She was standing in line in front of a Hollywood club hand-in-hand with an ol' skool crush from S.F. They were too young when they first met, but after a few years when age was no longer an issue, he bridged the gap by setting his teal-colored Camero on cruise control along the 5-freeway to L.A. So there they were in front of the club debating if they were really going to try this long-distance thing over again. He was ready, she was taken, but things can always change. The line was moving slowly as they talked about music and reminisced about being 13 again when she suddenly asked, "Alright, you wanna do this? Then here's a trivia for you: What was the name of the song that was playing the day Winnie left her necklace on Kevin's school bus?" He had a puzzled look on his face, scratched his head and grinned. "So...what? If I get this right, are we gonna do this really?" She giggled and turned away. He pulled he...

"Oh Girl" - The Chi-Lites My intentions were to write about something completely different, but in the process of searching I realized that for now I'm still in wonderment. I can't believe that after all this time, I found this song. Finally. I've been trying since I started you, dear blog. I've been trying since I heard it the first time long ago. Don't get me wrong, I knew how to get it. I just didn't know which version I liked until the familiar harmonica kicked in. It may sound cheesy, but I don't give a damn. It's on my playlist and that's all that matters now. I feel like I was born into a time that doesn't quite fit me right. I should've came into this world a decade or two earlier when real music had a profound impact on a listener. When it just wasn't about a good beat or catchy lyrics. It was poetic, dramatic, memorable. When love songs were really about wanting and needing someone so much it hurts. You can hear it her...

"What Becomes of the Broken Hearted" - Jimmy Ruffin I've been in wonder for the last 2 days. I decided to take an even further trip down memory lane. I pulled out a velvet burgundy box with a Christmas tree patch stitched on the front. Inside this precious box are boot-legged DVDs of The Wonder Years . Ya, so a couple of the "disks" skip and one episode has absolutely no sound at all. And some of my all-time favorites are edited for TV, but hey it's still one of the best gifts I've ever received. This song was from an episode entitled, St. Valentine's Day Massacre . Kevin liked Winnie and knew she liked him back, but just wouldn't admit it. He did everything a boy could do to talk to her, but she wouldn't give in. So he "stole" a Valentine and wrote the only thing he could think of, "Please forgive me." The only thing is his "cupid" gave it to the wrong girl! But in the end, the arrow aimed at the right heart an...