A Bed of Songs & Stories

"Beauty Mark" - Charlotte Gainsbourg F@$k this love, no love bullsh*t. Let's change the subject. I feel like being random. Ever wonder where moles come from? Well, I know you could probably Google it...wait...(one minute later) I just googled it and this is the first, most hilarious explanation that popped up: "Moles can be as perplexing as ice hockey, cribbage, Star Trek conventions, politics and most television shows. 'Nobody has really figured out why people have moles. They make no sense and don't appear to serve any purpose,' says Kevin Welch, M.D., assistant professor of dermatology at the University of Arizona Health Sciences Center in Tucson. In most cases, moles are like harmless hitchhikers, taking a free ride on your back, arms, legs or face. They can last 10 to 40 years, then fade away." - http://library.mothernature.com I totally agree! So, why this sudden change in blogging? Well, a week or so ago I noticed a new mole on the right-sid...

"Work Out" - J Cole So, I'm not going to sugar-coat it. I'm quite familiar with this game. Been a part of it countless times before and I think I wanna play again. Why not? I'm a walking contradiction, but I get to make my own decisions and change my mind as I please. No one else is being effected by the choices I make, but me. Does that make me a b*tch? Maybe, but I don't need to justify my actions. Boys have been doing this for years. It's about time to show that girls are just as good, if not better at it. I'm not looking for a relationship. Those things take too much work and I'm still mighty tired. I see my exes with girls less than worthy of me. I see them trying to do the "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing right this time. Ha! Of course, this time. That's ok, they need to have their hearts broken too. I see them exclusively dating without a label thinking it's different somehow and forgetting that this is where baby mommas come ...

"Easier to Lie" - Aqualung I tried my hardest last night. I wanted to forget so that I could remember, but I couldn't shake it off that easily. I tried to pull myself out of my inner shell and just be ok with not really being ok. It's a work in progress, but progressing nonetheless. I'm not jumping head first into a shallow pool. No accidents or "should have known better's" here. I know exactly what I'm doing and am staying afloat as I do it. This is how I know I'm not in love. But it feels good to be desired, to be held, to be heard, and to be felt in such a way I thought I'd never feel again. Is it all make-believe? A fantasy? Probably. Most likely. But at least it's not just a dream... Lyrics: To bear the weight and push into the sky it's easier to lie it's easier to lie And honestly to look you in the eye it's easier to lie it's easier to lie To be the one to be the only one someone has to give a lot something has ...

"Secret Garden" - Bruce Springsteen This song gets inside of me and takes me to a place I haven't been to in a long time. It's nowhere I want to be in right now, but every now and then I invite it in just so I can recall what it felt like to be this wanted. The kind of connection I found in the last year falls into all sorts of categories, but not one has ever come close to this. It's literally impossible with where my heart and mind is at this moment. And although I miss it so damn much it hurts to reflect on it even as I write this, I know it will take even more time to allow myself to feel it again. I'm just happy I got a chance to feel it at all. Lyrics: She'll let you in her house If you come knockin' late at night She'll let you in her mouth If the words you say are right If you pay the price She'll let you deep inside But there's a secret garden she hides She'll let you in her car To go drivin' 'round She'll l...

"Take Over Control" - Afrojack feat. Eva Simons I'm into this song. Now to find this in real life. For a while now people have been encouraging me to "put myself out there." God, I don't even know what that means anymore. I mean, I go out pretty often so I technically am out there, but I've been told that I have a pretty tough exterior. I usually just focus on those around me and don't assert myself to inviting new people in. What am I a convenience store? I'm at my wit's end with this whole "perception" of me, but I guess it's better than being considered an easy pushover. I just don't get the whole song and dance of dating. This sh*t makes me dizzy. I've never been one to just go with it since I've always been the one to lead, so now I wonder, "What do I do exactly?" There's been heavy debate over Match.com. Should I or shouldn't I? Sad thing is the only one arguing the "con" side is me...

"I'm on One" - Dj Khaled feat. Drake, Rick Ross, & Lil' Wayne Dearest Blog of mine. I was on a roll last week, I know. This week I needed time. I'm not going to give you some old, useless excuse like being lazy or uninspired. I didn't post because I didn't post. For the first time in over a year, I was content with my feelings, but the songs that came to mind would've given off the wrong impression. I didn't want any mixed messages. A lot of bullsh*t in my life evolves around mixed messages and I didn't want that to be reflected in my writing. At least not now. I'm good with the way things are. So, why the gap you ask? I met someone. He's all wrong for me for a lot of reasons, but the fact is I met him without trying. He came at me with every line in the book, at a bar no less, but he saw me for what I really have a hard time in seeing for myself. I guess that's kinda why I let him in. Here's how the night started. My cousin...

"Hazard" - Richard Marx I re-stumbled upon this lost song from my memory box by accident. Back when music videos told stories and writing lyrics went passed the ordinary. Looking at it now sorta creeps me out, but I wanted to share this because I needed to shift things once again. No, I won't be wearing a long, white scarf and heading down to a riverbed with a guy with a mullet any time soon. But I have to say I like the composition of all of this. It's eerie, I know. But in a way, this demented look at how quickly people jump to conclusions and how creatively crazy the mind can be is quite frankly, up my alley. Lyrics: My mother came to hazard when I was just seven Even then the folks in town said with predjudiced eyes That boy's not right Three years ago when I came to know mary First time that someone looked beyond the rumors and the lies And saw the man inside We used to walk down by the river She loved to watch the sun go down We used to walk along the river ...

"For You" - Angus & Julia Stone Let's be hippies, trade in our cars for a couple of bikes and a bag full o'stuff and ride. Let's pretend that we finally did all we had to do and actually felt fulfilled. Let's look at one another to see each other for who we really are and remember the "we" that had gotten us this far. Let's enjoy the Fall and every season that passed since we forgot how to enjoy. Let's relearn and do it better. Let's have our hot tea with milk and watch the moon change shape. Let's get out the blankets, put on movies we've already seen and watch them like we're watching them for the first time. Let's let me talk through them to understand them better than I did the first time. Let's have a pillow fight and a tickling war so that I can win. Let's sit quietly together and see if one could figure out what the other is thinking and I will definitely win. Let's have a conversation where I do le...

"Middle of the Bed" - Lucy Rose Indie Shuffle pulled this one out from under the covers and the first thought that came to mind was, "Hey, this is where I sleep too!" I laugh a lot at myself sometimes. How quickly my emotions change in the course of a day... So, this is my set-up. My bed is pushed in a quaint corner directly behind this computer chair. I turned it to face the window because I was tired of being in the dark. I have the same yellow, green and lavender patterned comforter and pillowcases that I grabbed at Bed, Bath and Beyond nearly a decade ago. Stitches have come undone from all the wear and tear that quite a bit of cotton clumped together creating a few scattered lumps here and there. I've been using a thin, white sheet during these warm summer nights, but when it gets cold my plush red, Betty Boop blanket hugs me tight. She's been more dependable to me than these last five years. In what little chances I get to sleep, I'm grown accust...

"Fake Plastic Trees" - Radiohead You know you've picked the right song out of so many right songs when the moment it starts to play, you cover your eyes to hide the tears. All I know is I'm crying and it's sad. It's sad that I'm crying, but it's also beautiful. Just like my plant... She hasn't been the same since I came back from my trip. I left her with people I thought would care for her, but I should've known better than to leave my most delicate living thing with just anyone. She requires barely any sunlight, absolutely no plant food and an occasional drink of water. At first, she was just a bundle of stems cut from a larger tree, but soon she grew to stand on her own two feet. She's been stably grounded into a single, clay pot with a few, carefully placed rocks for more than a year (the longest I have ever kept anything so near and dear to me green). But I made a mistake. I forgot to tell her where I was going. I was too in a hurry ...

"Carry You"- Jimmy Eat World I left the house around 7P, craving some Jimmy because they always know how to sing to me... And now in the early hours of my insomnia, my tiredness of "talking" finally kicked in and I find myself at a loss for words. In the meantime, I'll just use theirs because no matter how I try to say it, this damn well says it all... Lyrics: When I know I'm all alone Say your name slowly And I know that I'm alone But I'll carry you Does it feel good like a memory When you try some history? It's a dream to come around The rule doesn't bend Because the taste doesn't taste the same again It's easy feeling righteous when removed All you'll get as what you wanna hear It hurts because it should How else am I to make it clear? I could never be the one that you want, don't ask Well, here's to living in the moment Cuz it passed Maybe a lie is what I need sometimes You told the most and best of anyone You said to...

"Change Your Mind" - The Killers I overslept by a lot this morning. My alarm went off a half an hour early so when I realized I had some time left I fell back asleep...without resetting it. I woke up beyond late for work, but moved even slower to get ready. I felt like a slug. I felt heavy. You know that feeling you get when you know you messed up, but just don't want to do anything about it? Ya, that feeling. I'm sure you know. So, I needed a boost like no other and figured now would be a good time for The Killers. I listened to the nine songs I had, surprised that there were only nine, but as expected most of them came from Hot Fuss . It wasn't hard to choose the two I decided to play out the most: All These Things That I've Done and Change Your Mind . They battled with each other all day long just to see which one would make it onto this blog. I figured at one point they both will, but for now I had to pick one. I was certain it was going to be Things si...

"Hard to Explain" - The Strokes Why do these guys look and sound completely wasted and yet I still find myself oddly attracted to them? It was a thunderous, Saturday morning at work when they came on, but it's been so long I had no idea who they were. I just knew I heard this before and liked it. A lot. I wanted to reach out to someone since I was never good at remembering this kinda stuff, but nope. Not gonna do it. Not gonna, not gonna, not gonna. Nope, nope, nope. Note to self: If they need to remind me, they know where to find me. So, I thought for a minute. It was a slow start to rile up my memory bank, but I wanted to exercise the brain cells a bit. First, I thought, "Is this the Killers ?" And then my thought spiraled onto a different tangent. I wore their Hot Fuss album out so much that I got so tired of all of their songs. It was an overkill of the Killers . Yet it amazes me that I have yet to write about them. I started to wonder, "Maybe it...

"Heard It All Before" - Meiko I'm in love with Laemmle Playhouse 7. It's my safe haven with a secret trap door into another world, another time, and lost in another person's mind... somewhere else far away from this mundane routine of Here We Go Again . It's a new experience without the big crowds and Hollywood hype, the high expectations and constant disappointments. It sits quietly next to a beautiful bookstore that I find myself visiting rather frequently like a good neighbor I can't turn down for tea. And I often stay for a second cup. It's becoming my favorite thing to do on a Saturday evening. When I don't have to answer to anyone on why I'm not with anyone because we're in the dark and I no longer feel the pressure of their judgmental stares. It's the screen's turn to get the attention while I try to sit on the least squeakiest part of a worn, fold-out chair. It's the smell and crunch of popcorn, the sip of soda through ...

"All I Ask of You" - Phantom of the Opera It was a warm Monday evening on the 5th of September. The cool, artificial breeze welcomed me in once I entered the Venetian Theatre. I was in awe of it all. Dark silver drapes aligned the walls. A lopsided chandelier base dangled dangerously above the audience a few rows below me; so low in fact that tip-toeing would have given my little legs enough leverage to reach it. I wish I could've just so I could unscrew a lightbulb to take home as a souvenir, but I think they'd notice it was missing. People hurried passed to their seats, careful not to spill their drinks. One by one a mixed crowd of young, old, casual and exquisitely dressed patrons filled up the plush chairs. The show was sold-out once again. The stage was completely covered behind a bright red curtain with gold trimmings. Magnificent detail surrounded the two, empty boxseats on each side. There was a reason for its vacancy, but I'll learn this soon enough. N...

"Lighters" - Eminem feat. Bruno Mars & Royce Da 5'9" I disappeared on purpose. I wasn't running away. I just didn't want to be here and risk letting my heart beat out my common sense. Not again. Not after all that's happened. And it was good to be in a place where no one judged me; where sins are smiled upon and where I'd probably stick out like a sore thumb if I tried to follow the rules when there really isn't any. Not to say that I "let myself go" (I think you did enough of that for the both of us), but to let go of what I can no longer change. During my mini-journey, this song played constantly. I heard it way before it came on the radio, but it came at me with a vengeance this weekend. It didn't hurt to hear it so I surrendered to it and allowed the chorus to take over me. I felt the white flag drape over my mind and cleanse me. And when it was lifted, I came to my senses. I kept thinking about how terribly awful these last ...

"No Need to Argue" - The Cranberries I woke up today with this song in my head. It's been a while since a song came to mind so quietly in my sleep to softly shake me awake. I was lying on my tummy, looking directly at my computer when my eyes slowly opened. It was like the song was pulling me to get off my comfortable bed and onto this chair just to blog about it. "Ok song. I'm up, I'm up," I said with a big yawn and stretch. Interestingly enough, this isn't even one my favorites off of this album. So much so that I even forgot this was the name of the album. Yet listening to it now, after all this time; after exactly one year since you and I stopped being an "us," makes everything so painfully sad. Ya, the memories got in a little... but it's hard for me to break down. Even when I try, the best that I could do is squeeze out a single tear. I guess I'm done crying. Last night wasn't what I expected. I was kinda bummed the movie...

"Assassin's Tango" - John Powell I originally posted "Mondo Bongo," the song that plays at the beginning of this beautiful, bad ass movie...but when I played it back something just didn't feel right. I didn't know what it was. I obviously like the song. I do. I mean, what's not to like? It comes on during one of the most steamiest scenes when we first meet two people in lust, unsure of who they are and the future that lies ahead. All they knew was there was a genuine attraction and a definite need to see where it would lead them. It was romantic, invigorating, and full of intense heat. As were we. However, considering the circumstances of where we are now, it makes complete sense why this no longer makes sense. It was like a misshaped piece that no matter how hard it tried, it just couldn't fit in the puzzle. Insert Tango. The truth finally revealed. No bullsh*t, but plenty of spiraling emotions. This is the one thing that I felt was missing: H...