A Bed of Songs & Stories

"The A Team" - Ed Sheeran It's like raindrops on glasses, grease that settled in the bottom of a pan, wet sugar on your fingertips, Elmer's glue dried onto the palm of your hand, peanut butter on the roof of your mouth and those damn little green seasonings on a really good piece of steak jammed in between your teeth.  It's one of those things that kinda stick to you.  You do it out of instinct and pick it up again as if you never left it even if it's been weeks.  You can't forget it.  It's with you out of habit.  It's your way home.  Your daily routine.  It's your favorite pair of worn out jeans.  Your recurring dream.  It belongs to you.  It's a song that you can't get out of your head.  A rainy day in bed.  A good book you actually read.  It was this morning.  And my "hello again" to you.      Lyrics: White lips, pale face Breathing in snowflakes Burnt lungs, sour taste Light's gone, day's end Strug

"Never Say Never" - The Fray Tomorrow would've marked a month since I let my words fill you.  It wasn't intentional and it wasn't like I had nothing to write.  I just haven't found my comfort zone yet.  But now, it's as if I can't get enough of you and I don't ever want to.  So I'm taking advantage of this greed. Right now I'm staring out of my new office window, 4 floors up and above a brick mantle filled with framed photos and two wilted plants. I have two books on my desk, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and "Keep Calm and Carry On." I have yet to read them. I have a stack full of ungraded papers, a box of tissue and a half-empty bottle of water. Or is it half-full? I have a stapler, a labeler and a highlighter that should be put to good use right about now. But I've been distracted since I woke up at the crack of dawn this morning. Since I hopped onto the train ride here. Since I broke my new boots

"Fall for You" - Secondhand Serenade I had a big fight with myself last night.  I yelled. I cursed.  I argued.  I repeated things several times.  I fished for praise.  I fished for recognition.  I fished for a fuckin' "Thank you."  I fished for anything, but didn't catch anything except for the annoying cold-like symptoms you get from crying. I cried hysterically.  Whimpering under my breath, using a towel instead of tissues because my tears would bleed right through it too easily and I'm not one who would go for "easy."   The towel was still damp from my shower.  It soothed against my fire-hot eyes, now swollen from this ridiculous, reoccurring episode of, "Just Another Day."  I wanted to hit something, but surprisingly I didn't.  I guess I didn't want to have to clean up afterwards.  I wanted to quit and walk away, but I stayed put and set in my ways.  I placed my shaky hands against the bathroom sink.  I needed to fee

Oh October how I wish you were here already.  My girl reinvented herself once again and I must have it.  All of it.  And you are the only thing I'm waiting for so please hurry.   I just hope this will come to me as it always has in the past.  I must absorb the music that helps me breathe.  A new set of songs that will talk to me during a lonely train ride.  Sip tea with me when I try to resist coffee and find a way to make things sweet without sweetner.  Let me lean back and have it catch me and beautify the ugly within me.  Be my art that supports me when I'm feeling blah and uninspired.  Walk the 5 blocks with me and not rush me as I take my time to appreciate what made it great and will make it great again.  Click to preview the talented Tori   All images courtesy of Google

My first week of work in a new city and the 20 lessons I learned (or relearned): Change will occur in steps over time, but I have to give it time. Public transportation isn’t bad as long as I know where I’m going and actually get there. iPods, iPhones and reading material is the best source of company when I don’t want company. Old songs never get old. It’s ok not to know all the answers and to ask for help. If I want to know more, I have to read more. Note-taking is a skill not to be taken lightly. Walking is fun if a good coffee shop is around the corner. Invest in more flats especially stylish ones. A car is an expensive alternative in a busy city. Working in downtown means loud distractions just outside my office window. Little green plants seem manageable on a window sill. Bringing lunch saves money. Sharing lunch makes friends. A big bag can hold a lot of stuff. I still absolutely hate grocery shopping. I still absolutely love cold weather. It’s ok

"Somewhere Down the Road" - Barry Manilow I'm not surprised that Playlist couldn't find you. You're a classic, but luckily not one that gets so overplayed you'd wish to be forgotten. Though you exist, there doesn't seem to be a video that accompanies you that would do you justice. A cheesy Karaoke sing-a-along could only go so far and I don't know how much more mystic waterfalls and dusty roads I could take. And though Barry sings you well, his live versions can be somewhat distracting with the many hairstyles from the 70's, 80's and today. Plus, the close-up of his audience's reaction is something I could do without because you're not just a ballad to me. You're not just one of your many tug-at-the-heart melodies of the past. It doesn't involve everyone else's perception of you. It doesn't even involve a video, but this one will have to do. It's a story that couldn't have been sang in any other way. A p

It's been a rough two days, but not because I was having second thoughts about being in this new city. I think something stronger than life is testing my patience and unfortunately, I'm not doing so well. It's hard not to let one bad experience ruin my whole mood, but it did. I tried to refocus my energy, but I'll be damned if I lose a battle to a no-nothing prick with an aggressive temper. In the end I got my way, but for some odd reason I still wasn't satisfied. Surprisingly, I felt like I still lost because I let what shouldn't have mattered, matter greatly and to top it off I wore that anger on my sleeve. I saw myself from the outside, but didn't know how to shake it off and I knew that if I didn't shed away what irked me that the person who did nothing to cause it would be the person I would take it out on. My ability to rub my negativity onto others usually works like a charm. I do this because I still want to be mad and it's a cinch to

"A Thousand Years" - Christina Perri One of the hardest things to accept is change. Yet as the countdown draws to a close, I'm looking at this as the easiest. I know that in a few hours I will be making my final trip to work and even though I left before, this time I know it's definitely permanent. Not only because I no longer see myself going backwards for no reason, but because I'm moving in a completely different direction for an extremely good one.

"...All I can say is I thank GOD that we were able to receive our training from your team. You are extraordinary in your own rite. Whatever it is that is next on your list I pray for the best for you. I thank you again for everything and please, if it not to much to ask, please send me ;) your contact information going forward. You never know we may be out there or you here. Have a great last week and please know that you are a gem. -Erica You make me take a deep breath, and then a sigh. Hope this move is all for the good, and brings many blessings your way. In your words "you rock", please don't lose touch. Wonderful meeting you. -El I was saddened at your news. I am sure you will be sorely missed. Good Luck to you for the future. -M. I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!!!! What the flip?!!!! I’m just blown away!! -Angelica Aww sorry to hearing you are leaving. I'm sure you will continue to serve in some capacity. It was a pleasure meeting and working with you please stay in

"A Sorta Fairytale" - Tori Amos Hello my beautiful blog. Exactly one month from now my world will change completely. I knew September would hold more than a 2-year old broken heart and it took just that long for me to realize that the break was necessary for such an astounding and life-altering experience to occur. No, I'm not getting married (at least not yet) and no, I'm not pregnant (and trust me, when that happens it would be by a man who loves me and whom I truly love). Although this excruciatingly hot August still isn't over, it marks the end of what I've been used to all this time. People say it's common to feel anxious, overwhelmed, unsure, and in a daze, but I feel none of these. I merely say it to agree with them since obviously, everyone tends to have an opinion regardless if being asked. Some are solid, some contrast, and some make absolutely no sense. I take it for face value and know that they all mean well. There's the pros, the cons, a

"Georgia on My Mind"- Ray Charles You could never know and see everything there is to know and see so when an opportunity presents itself to travel, take it. The best part is getting a chance to experience something different and maybe even liking it. A lot. Surprisingly, this is what a small town did for me. I knew I landed on new grounds the minute my plane hit a runway filled with scattered green patches. After almost 5 hours of being trapped in a confined space, I was more than ready to get off for a breath of fresh air. Sadly, I was warned that this time of year may slap me in the face with a wet towel the minute I leave the artificial breeze, but fortunately the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport doesn't exactly have an easy way out. I had to walk down an extended hallway to another extended hallway to the tram that lead to the end of the baggage claim area. Once there, I climbed two escalators to another tram that lead to the rental car center. I p

"Space Age Love Song" - Flock of Seagulls One day long ago, I decided to climb up onto the mantel right above my fireplace surrounded by brick plastered in white paint. I wanted to see myself in the big wall mirror, thinking that I had enough space to stand. So, I stood. I guess I didn't stay still because last I remember, I fell face first against the brick floor. It took years for my mouth full of crooked teeth to get clamped with metal wire and rubber bands in all sorts of colors. I was pulled, poked, scraped, twisted, and bent out of shape! Did I mention this was at school where all the name-calling took place? "Brace Face," "Metal Mouth," and even "Smurfette" for making the ill-advised choice to switch to blue rubberbands! I couldn't bite into an apple, chew gum, eat ice, or even enjoy the simplest things like smiling without being teased. I was prone to accidents for never listening to these limitations and once had to get rushed t

"Promise Me" - The Cover Girls I went for a walk this evening. I figured that before I leave this quaint little neighborhood of mine I owe it a proper goodbye. I plugged in my headset and pressed play. I let the music accompany me and reminisced about the things that took place on these very blocks worlds ago. I passed by houses that used to be homes of friends long gone. I remembered playing "paradise" over a short tree with big palm leaves and the bush that smelled of popcorn. I remembered the bullies next door and not being afraid to flick them off. I passed by a home that once belonged to a kind family who made spaghetti sauce with real, big chunks of tomato and the "haunted" house that looked so rundown, but held up even through the toughest storms. I went around my own block at least twice and was surprised to see that most of the front doors were left open, including our own, revealing only the screen door. With a quick glimpse, I was able to take i

"Let's Go" - Calvin Harris feat. NeYo The moment is mine for the taking. I could sit here on my hands or get up and reach for what I want even if it means jumping higher than I thought I could ever jump. I fought my way up for others, it's about time for me to fight for me. So what if I expected a cheerleading squad and no one showed up? So what if this opportunity is not yet set in stone? So what if a battle exists in my head with what could be vs. what has always been? The could is what makes it good. I feel it in my bones that I'm making the right decision and I've waited too long to let it slip through my fingers because things aren't moving at a pace I can easily follow and because it's not the path I'm supposed to take. How do I know for sure if I keep playing it safe? I can't let my emotions scare me into thinking I'm taking a giant leap of faith only to end up flat on my ass. I've fallen before. Many times. It hurts for a whil

"Hell on Heels" - Pistol Annies The minute it starts I think of tumbleweeds. Dust blowin' around in a small western town with the sun barely setting against the horizon. The smell of horses and cheap booze filling the air. A fast-paced piano inside a crowded saloon mixing in with the flirtatious laughter of ladies dressed in their finest ready to woo drunk men for all of their money. The loud clang of cheering glasses meeting their fate as they crash down hard, one by one onto the floor along with their senseless drinkers. A messy spill of scruffy, beaten-down cowboys seeping their sorrows into the wooden panel boards. The ash from the cigar and the stale, dried out ale stains decorating the counter tops. The weak sunlight peering through the scattered bullet holes of the swinging doors. The cracked and faded sign hanging from the rusted metal bar above it ironically reading, "Welcome" as they walk in. A vixen. A hot-head. And the girl next door. Lyrics: I'

"I'm Not Sorry" - Morrissey People say I should just let it go. Don't blog about it because they'll know. I'm over it. Long, long gone and far from it. Regardless if at one point, I forgave it. It doesn't matter now so forget it. Pretend like it doesn't bother me so shake it off and look passed it. Bulldoze it to the ground and never uncover it. Time and common sense heals heartbreaks so it seems like it makes no sense to mentally try to rewind back to it. Just keep going, going, going... But I'm not hanging onto it. I'm not hurting from it. I don't even resent them for taking so much of my time with it. At least not anymore. Things come and go. People come and go. You take it for what it is and it's ok to let it be and say, "Hello" every once and a while quietly. So, sometimes I stop and allow myself to be human again. I hide in my own late night shell to revisit the past knowing that I don't need to bus

"It Might Be You" - Stephen Bishop It's like having to pee really, really badly and then finally peeing. It's like flipping through the channels only to find a good movie you haven't seen in a long time right at your favorite scene. It's like singing a rare song and having someone sing along with you knowing they know it as good as you do and smiling because you're singing it together. It's like having enough cream and sugar in your coffee on the first try. It's like satisfying a craving you've had forever and getting to enjoy it one bite at a time. It's like finishing a project you almost gave up on and doing a damn good job for everyone to notice. It's like stepping into a new environment and getting a chance to explore something you never thought you'd see. It's like falling in love with something you used to fear because it's actually pretty awesome. It's like getting a gift and having it be something you've alwa

"Silent Lucidity" - Queensryche Early this morning a good friend of mine shared a sad story. It started with a picture of a couple. On the left was a petite and slender woman with long, white hair that glistened with her smile. Her soft, sky-blue knitted sweater gave off a subtle glow, bringing out a kindness in her eyes I knew reflected who she was even though I never had the pleasure of meeting her. She looked happy and sad at the same time. Happy that the man by her side held her tightly; a good man whose protective embrace carefully watched over her to ensure she stood just as tall and strong as he did. A jolly man who for a glimpse you would mistaken for Santa because he looked so fulfilled. It only took a few minutes to see passed her face because the sadness came from the frail state of her stance. The pink hues within her pupils and traced alongside the stretched lines of her skin suggested she cried a lot for a lot of reasons, but I didn't know as to what

"Ready for Love" - Indie Arie My nails are way too long for this right now. They're getting stuck in the keyboard and I'm finding it quite difficult not to make noise as I carefully tap on the keys. My eyes itch, red from the contacts that I may need to change sooner than its month-long lifeline. I have my wet hair wrapped up in a quick-dry towel and can feel the throbbing of my feet after a long, productive and very amazing week. I sit back and reflect as I try to get comfortable on a chair that I used to consider my place of peace during so many sleepless nights. I breathe in deeply to take in all that's been laid out in front me and even the things that have been taken away. Then slowly, I breathe out. There are few distinct moments that put me at ease. They come at me unexpectedly and often at times and places one would never think they would come. This time it was a holiday morning and the place? A busy, popular restaurant that was filling up fast. This song

"One More Try" - Timmy T, "Lost in Love" - New Edition, "Pretty Brown Eyes" - Mint Condition, Masterpiece - Atlantic Starr, & "Years from Here" - 4PM I know I've been shortcutting my way through this and by the look of my blog count within the last 6 months, I'm obviously not getting any better. I tried to blame Playlist (though they play a crucial role) and I even tried blaming the fact that I'm too "happy" to blog. Truth is, I'm blowing it off because I'm actually sleeping at night. Sometimes I find myself falling asleep in front of this computer or thinking about blogging and then falling asleep before I turn it on. So, to keep my promise I would put something up so that I could simply keep this thing going. I checked in at least once every other day, grabbed onto a song, video or both and made sure to date it within 7-days so that I don't let too much time pass from each entry. But I don't want to pos